Tomorrow morning the surgeons will do their job to bypass the blocked vessels and restore blood flow to C.'s heart. She is my heart, so I hope that they do a good job. I have had a few moments of fear today. But when I feel its fingers worming their way into my head, I say the Serenity Prayer which has been a mantra since I began recovery. I realize that what happens is beyond my control.
Today there was a stream of visitors coming to see her. Colleagues from work, fellow AA members, and her parents stopped by. She was tired at the end of the afternoon. I have had calls from Al-Anon members and that has helped me as well. Your comments are most appreciated. Thank you for thinking of us. People want to know what they can do. Just sending positive thoughts and knowing that people care is good right now.
I am planning to unload a pick up truck load of mulch and enriched soil for the garden over the next couple of days. It helps me to stay busy. And it is time to plant potatoes and take care of the plants in the green house. I know that C. would be sad if her beloved garden was not ready.
I sat with my feelings today. I acknowledged my fear. I am not going to dwell on "why" or "what if". I am doing what I know how to do--staying positive.