Thursday, April 14, 2011

Inevitability of getting old

Lately things have been on a bit of a roller coaster in our lives.  Not only did my wife's heart attack come as a surprise, but her father has also been in and out of the hospital.  Yesterday, we were pretty sure that my father-in-law was not going to make it through the night.  He had been admitted back into the hospital on Wednesday with internal bleeding.  Late in the afternoon yesterday, the doctor called to tell us that things did not look good.  The doctor had gone over his wishes regarding resusitation and other medical directives. 

Needless to say we were both very concerned.  I went by the hospital after spending the day on the water with school groups.  I took the first shift until midnight.  During that time, I talked to him and talked to my HP.  It brought back quite a few memories of being with my own father the night before he died.  Sometime during those hours that I spent with my father-in-law,  I began to see a change.  He asked for something to drink so I asked the nurse to bring him some ginger ale.  His blood pressure stabilized and his temperature (caused by an unknown infection) returned to normal. 

It was as if I could tell that he was going to be okay for that one night.  C. still wanted to come in so she stayed with him until 3 AM and then came on home thinking that he was better too.  I realize that at 90 years old, he may rally and then crash.  But today, we are encouraged that he is sitting up, talking on the phone, and eating his meals.  His blood pressure is still low but that is being watched very closely. 

After being with him,  I felt peaceful and knew that at the moment things were okay.  We are hopeful.  I realize that the inevitability of death is near at his age.  One can't think in terms of years or even months.  It is brought down to one day at a time.  But I have not fully accepted that it is his time to go. Perhaps I am bargaining to keep him here a bit longer.  I do believe that there is still life left to be lived by him.  I hope that I am right. 

17 comments:

  1. Isn't it nice to see good, wonderful things happen right before your eyes?

    I'm glad he is doing well. I will keep all of y'all in my prayers.

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  2. I am sorry to hear of your father in laws hospitalization.
    Hope he gets to feeling better.

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  3. :( sorry to hear. well all i know is that when we are 'well' ie in god spiritual condition we are a healing presence to those we meet. it can be very draining tho.. so u have to pace yrself so u do not get worn out..

    its difficult giving people permission to go if they want to. easy for them to feel beholden. the ultimate letting go with love i suppose.
    sounds like he benefited from your love and attention. its a worthwhile act of service.. :)
    hope this roller-coaster gets easier for you. probably is harder because of having 2 things going on at the same time which doesn't make it easier.
    so good luck with that syd :)

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  4. i dont know if it ever becomes easy to accept death...its so final you know...hope that he feels better...

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  5. how beautiful to spend time with him and wonderful that he has lived such a long productive live.

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  6. The process of dying can be so mysterious. There is no straight path when a person reaches that age. Not usually.
    I am glad that you and your wife can be with him, hold his hand as he heads towards this destination, knowing that it will all be as it will, no expectations, no explanations, just...what is.

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  7. I will say a prayer for your father in law. Death at any age is always difficult.

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  8. How very very fortunate for C's father to have people who love him, who care for him, who pray and talk to him, surround him. It would be what I want. Plus the smell of cookies baking in the oven (cookies idea taken from a book I read: the doctor's wife) God bless you.

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  9. I am glad that you got to spend some time with him at the hospital. IMO it is an amazing privilege to be allowed to walk with someone to the end of their life....whenever that may be.

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  10. Syd,

    Your blog is new for me. Glad I've found it. I enjoy your perspective and agree with what I've read. It must be difficult seeing your father-in-law in ill health, with the possibility of him dying. You must be stressed out. My father died four years ago, from cancer. My mom died from congestive heart failure, coming on three years, this November.

    I was at my mother's side, playing the guitar, singing when she died, a special time. I will take to my grave the special last moments we shared, the day before she died, while she was conscious.

    You've my prayers. I'm sure your dad-in-law valued the time shared with him this week. I'm also certain you cherish that time also. Any words I express are inadequate during this season in your life. Please know you've the support of your many followers, the readers of this blog and mine.

    Praying that your Higher Power grants you the serenity needed now, along with strength to make it through, one day at a time, while your father-in-law copes with his illness.

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  11. I've always thought if your father-in-law has made it to 90 he ain't going without a fight or before his time.

    Anyone that makes it to 90, you know they have the fight and will. Most people in their 90's have been through enough that you never know what they really have inside of them.

    My thoughts are with you and C. The cagey old guy has everything he needs.

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  12. All the very best to all of you Syd.

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  13. These are the really tough times. It's wonderful that you've had the time to be with C's dad and I'm sure it has helped him. I hope for a good outcome but know that your al-anon training and hers in AA will help if the need arises.

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  14. It sounds like you are doing the right things. He is lucky to have you and C by his side. This is just so very hard to do.

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  15. All my prayers for you and your family. My mother is ill currently w/heart issues at 80 and it is so very difficult and can relate to the fear. Thank you for ESH.

    recoverywfaith

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  16. Thanks for sharing everyone. Syd your post was very uplifting - a reminder that sometimes things work out when you least expect them to. The scary thing for me is that I have found bad things happen when you least expect them to, also. I guess living one day at a time is a solution to that - the tricky part for me is finding a balance between staying in the present and enjoying it, but also preparing for the future to avoid preventable bad stuff from happening, while not worrying about it to the point where I am freaking out several times a day - or the entire day. My continual challenge. Paul NorthernCal, I was very moved by that story of you and your mom. Guess because I have a kid I love, too.

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  17. While it seems tough at the time, and certainly brings it's share of pain, all it really is, is life moving on. My wife and I, both card carrying AARP members for over a decade, Have come to value some of the very things we feared so much. Like forgetting what the hell we were so angry about with someone, or why one of us or the other stopped talking to this one or that one. Good luck on the journey, and good luck to your father, too. Peace.

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