I am happy to have it be the weekend. Yesterday, I did a lecture on barrier island ecology and dynamics to some fifth graders. They were great kids, listening attentively and being excited about the beach and the ocean. One little girl ran in large circles with her arms outstretched for sheer joy. That's the kind of enthusiasm I like to see.
Today I am heading out for the island anchorage. No pressure and not a long trip. Some friends came by last night while I was at the marina. Their relationship is rocky. He drinks and stays out all night. She gets angry and tells him that she isn't going to put up with it anymore. He comes crawling and tells her he is sorry. She takes him back. The insanity of that dance is obvious.
She has said that she can detach from him and not care. I wonder at the kind of relationship in which people simply no longer care, if indeed she does, and what an empty thing that must be. I have often questioned the Al-Anon idea of being happy whether someone is drinking or not. What is the point in staying with someone who is really not present, who lies and can't be trusted? I think about the years that go by wasting energy on empty promises. I realize that happiness doesn't come from another but harmony is also important.
Settling for something familiar is sad but so common with those affected by alcoholism. Clinging relentlessly to the sinking ship seems much safer than striking out in a life boat for safety.
Yes, I did stick for many years in my relationship. But without being in recovery, I know that I would not have stayed should the drinking have continued and will not stay should it start again. That is a personal boundary for me.
But today all is well. I am not dwelling on "what ifs". Time to cast off lines and head out. I hope that you find the day to your liking.