I don't know that I'll ever "recover" from the effects of alcoholism. I don't know if I am capable of putting all that has happened out of my head. Maybe that's not the point of recovery. Recovery may just be about living easily with the past--accepting what has happened and moving on.
To tell you the truth, I don't think that I need to measure myself by any yard sticks when it comes to recovery. And the thoughts about the past are valuable reminders of what I don't want to re-enact today.
What I do know is that I've come a long way since being in Al-Anon. I've been able to see the insanity and unmanageability of where I once was. To me that means that I am making progress towards peace and serenity. I don't have a lot of sadness or anxiety in my life now. I believe the promise of knowing how to "handle situations that use to baffle us" is coming true for me.
I realize more and more that I'm not defining myself as the person who took abuse and wore it like some kind of merit badge. Those were days that feeling like being a victim and sinking into self-pity were all there was. I was accepting of my sickness. I don't accept that anymore.
I don't want to be:
beat up on
a problem solver for others
someone to pity
Instead today I am:
free to choose
full of life
comfortable with who I am
not willing to settle
I may not ever be recovered, but I can see that the journey that I'm on is leading me in that direction.
Hope that you are having a great Memorial Day. My plans for the day are simple. I am going to walk on the beach, read, take lots of photos, cook a fabulous breakfast, take a sea shower, get sand between my toes, and enjoy the fabulous weather that is forecast.
Stay safe and enjoy doing something that you have a passion for. Living is about passion, don't you think?