I don't know that I'll ever "recover" from the effects of alcoholism. I don't know if I am capable of putting all that has happened out of my head. Maybe that's not the point of recovery. Recovery may just be about living easily with the past--accepting what has happened and moving on.
To tell you the truth, I don't think that I need to measure myself by any yard sticks when it comes to recovery. And the thoughts about the past are valuable reminders of what I don't want to re-enact today.
What I do know is that I've come a long way since being in Al-Anon. I've been able to see the insanity and unmanageability of where I once was. To me that means that I am making progress towards peace and serenity. I don't have a lot of sadness or anxiety in my life now. I believe the promise of knowing how to "handle situations that use to baffle us" is coming true for me.
I realize more and more that I'm not defining myself as the person who took abuse and wore it like some kind of merit badge. Those were days that feeling like being a victim and sinking into self-pity were all there was. I was accepting of my sickness. I don't accept that anymore.
I don't want to be:
less than
beat up on
a problem solver for others
a victim
someone to pity
in denial
angry
Instead today I am:
free to choose
full of life
comfortable with who I am
not willing to settle
a survivor
I may not ever be recovered, but I can see that the journey that I'm on is leading me in that direction.
Hope that you are having a great Memorial Day. My plans for the day are simple. I am going to walk on the beach, read, take lots of photos, cook a fabulous breakfast, take a sea shower, get sand between my toes, and enjoy the fabulous weather that is forecast.
Stay safe and enjoy doing something that you have a passion for. Living is about passion, don't you think?
I think you are right. Passion. Unfortunately, we try to substitute so many things for that. Chaos, for example.
ReplyDeleteKeep us reminded, Syd, of what is real and what is not.
hope you enjoy that day...sounds like you have a good plan for it...live passionately
ReplyDeleteGood morning, Syd!
ReplyDeleteAh, yes - - - this is a very beautiful Memorial Day - - - one (for me) in which to make a list of all the people I love both living and dead who have contributed to the protection of our great nation!
Your comments on today's blog reminded me of the value of the 'newcomer' in our meeting rooms - - and how special that individual is. I try to always take a couple of minutes and let that newcomer know that he/she is the most important person in the room at the time - - - and that I am so grateful for the humility of being reminded of where I once was, and the opportunity to reach out a hand of welcome, compassion, and understanding to the one in pain and need.
Thanks for the memory-jog! Have a glorious day today - especially in the sea shower!
Love and Hugs,
Anonymous #1
This is a great post, and I so appreciate it's wisdom. I wish peace for all of us who have dealt with alcoholism/addiction.
ReplyDeleteRealizing I have a choice is freedom for me.
ReplyDeleteI was just a passenger in the seat of my life in the past. " in Al-Anon we discover that no situation is really hopeless and that it is possible for us to find contentment, and even happiness"
Many bloggers in recovery stop blogging when they start feeling better so it's rare that we get to see what "the other side" looks like, except in the rooms of course. I'm so grateful that you continue to blog here even after you feel like your life has become much more manageable.
ReplyDeletea fine posting,we will always be recovering from the past.we will be recovered from it when we go home to our heavenly Father.
ReplyDeleteHappy Memorial Day! Living the passion today, meeting with friends at a picnic and speaker meeting. Beautiful outside today in balmy Arizona!
ReplyDeleteNice post! Wise and forthright.
ReplyDeleteThanks
Living is about passion, hanks for the reminder :)
ReplyDeleteI could really use your perspective on a post that I felt moved to write today. I find myself feeling fragmented by two different programs that are kissing cousins and am taking it hard, even wrong, that I am being asked to keep mention of general readings in Al-anon out of my shares.
ReplyDeleteI am finding some old place in me that cannot conform and that is hurting my program.
I can so agree with you Syd. I don't know if I will ever recover from the effects of my own family dysfunction. And in some ways that is how it should be, it is why we keep coming back.
ReplyDeleteShort of being overly dependent on meetings, or recovery work. I wonder about that sometimes in me, and then, along comes another breakthrough and I realize it is all good.
And lasting change for better health always takes commitment. Thanks for your commitment to sharing with us.
The vibe of your post comes across loud and clear. Comfortable in your own skin and able to savour life ;)
ReplyDeletewhat more is there to want? :)
hehe
have a great weekend Syd. And lovely C of course...
You're all right Syd. You live it your way and that is enough.
ReplyDeleteI felt just like you ,ever recover the effects of alcoholi .I been going for over two months i will not turn back .It the best thing i ever don in my life .It save my santiny and accepted and to change ,and my adtitude of my family desase .
ReplyDeleteI came a alcoholic home my father and my sister are alcoholic .I been going to Alanon for over two months .I been living in chaos all my live .One day my sister called an told me that she is going to AA meetings .My sister ask me to go .Now she wont talk to me any more .In time she will get over it .It is the best thing that she ever did for me .It a gift
ReplyDelete