So many sad people at the meeting last night were having trouble with alcoholic husbands and children. Tears were flowing and the Kleenex was flying. There is nothing like newcomers to spark up a meeting. So we talked about being powerless which is something that I need to be mindful of. It's so easy to take my power back when I think that someone else needs to take action.
One lady shared about her alcoholic husband who went to rehab after the family did an intervention which drove him to have an affair. So now he thinks that she is an interfering bitch, doesn't want to talk to her, has moved out and is living with his lover. Whew! What a tangled web we weave in our co-dependent unmanageability. She is crying because she wants him back, especially the man that he used to be. I wonder at the wisdom of wanting someone at any cost, even when that person does not want you. There is no logic to what happens to those who live with alcoholism. Self-respect and self-esteem are so low that most of us are willing to settle for a few crumbs of affection.
I see how far I have come. I see myself where that woman is: willing to sacrifice myself, do anything, to get the person back. It doesn't work. The person who was the one we married or gave birth to or who gave birth to us is not the same. No one is the same after alcoholism enters the picture. We become different people and if we are lucky enough to get into recovery, we learn to love who we are. Because of recovery, I think that I am a better person. I hope that the newcomers stick around long enough to see the miracles happen in their life.
“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.”
- Havelock Ellis
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”
- Lao Tzu