It is so hard for people to believe in themselves, even though others believe in them. It is difficult to trust your abilities when you have been told that you don't have any. It is impossible to have successes when all you have felt is that you are a failure.
Last night, I went to hear a lecture given by a friend of mine who has been sober for 20 years. He hasn't had a drink but has difficulty practicing the principles in his life. His ADHD is part of the problem. Let's just say that the combination of ADHD and alcoholism makes for some difficult times.
He was asked to give a couple of lectures on marine diesel engines for a class being taught by one of the local marine groups. This fellow know a lot about engines and is an excellent mechanic. He agreed to do the lectures, but yesterday he flew into a rage about the lectures. He said that he couldn't possibly get up in front of others and talk, he knew nothing about engines--he was filled with fear and anxiety. I talked to him, offering up words of encouragement and said that I would go with him to the class.
Well, he gave one of the best lectures I have heard. His explanations were excellent, his practical experiences were not only funny but informative. He is a natural teacher and speaker. He got a round of applause and a lot of good questions. Students stayed after class to talk to him. The instructor told him that he learned a lot that he didn't know and asked him to go out after the class for dinner. In short, he was a big success.
It made me feel good that my friend had a much needed boost to his self-esteem. He needed something that was a success. I see how the lost years of his youth due to drinking alcoholically left him unskilled and uneducated. But his intelligence comes through. I think that each of us needs to have someone who believes in us, someone who encourages instead of criticizes, and someone who celebrates those moments when success lifts our heart.
To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success. ~ Anon.
Thank-you for that quote. I needed it badly.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great story to start my day with! I am so happy for your friend. And bless you for noticing the details and celebrating with him, his progress.
ReplyDeletethat is awesome...glad he did so well...and yes we need those every once in a while to keep us going...glad you could recognize it for him...
ReplyDeleteI think you recognizing your friends success and writing it down for him (you) is SUCH an atta boy. I don't think we celebrate each other enough. That's why I wrote the letter to my husband on my blog. I wanted to celebrate him. :)
ReplyDeleteI firmly believe that we all need cheerleaders.
ReplyDeleteSyd that is so kind of you to first of all recognize someones need for encouragement and then to give support and kudos to that person. I have ADHD as does my son. I think that schools are really hard on those of us who have trouble focusing on what we don't find interesting. But, ADHD also has some positives. I think it's important for your friend to not feel defined what he can't do ....sounds like he has some really good gifts and talents. Thank you for shinning a light...
ReplyDeletewalking through the fear ALWAYS lands me a huge reward. Applause, good questions is just part of the reward. The feeling of freedom from fear is the biggest reward. Good for your pal!
ReplyDeleteI love how your story expresses the bottom line of our Programs. It is to redeem lives. Our work in these Fellowships is to help people reclaim their true worth. Thank you so much for this share!
ReplyDeleteWhat a joyous day! So glad your friend had a successful day. A wonderful reminder to celebrate those moments of success no matter how small or big they are. I love the quote.
ReplyDeleteA wonderful post, the whole of it and all its pieces. I'm glad to have read it.
ReplyDeleteThe quote you included takes me a long way back from today, to myself in the 70s or 80s. I love when that happens. It connects 'me now' to the same 'me then,' despite my evolutions over the years. The thread didn't break, in a way. The familiarity of something old and lasting like this quote is in my life, is comforting and fun.
I'm an AlAnon person in early stages of membership; and my point is that this quote returns to me a piece of my fractured core self. It's a just a little thing but good for me to have again and to remember about myself. It's good to have it to delight in. It's a success of sorts.
Rediscovering and reclaiming missing or neglected pieces of myself is all the success I need right now. Next in importance, I need to enjoy common kindness on the part of one of my addicts in particular. And next, I need what you talked about here: "Each of us needs to have someone who believes in us, someone who encourages instead of criticizes, and someone who celebrates those moments when success lifts our heart." Ah yes...
A day at a time, right :) ?
Above all, I need myself. Then, whether I'm treated kindly, or have someone to believe in me, encourage me and celebrate me - or not - doesn't matter so much.
As a sidenote, my reaction to the quote now, today, is the same as it was way back then. I don't disagree with the original content, but I rewrote the first line according to my own sense of things, and have remembered it below the surface all these years. What I thought is that: to win the affection of intelligent people and the respect of children, is a greater challenge and therefore a greater mark of success. That was my revision.
Unlearning failure is so hard for people who have been rejected and gone through the lost years. I think kindness makes a big difference.
ReplyDeleteyou're so right, too few of us have 'supporters', who know our worth and express it. it is so desperately needed in the recovery process.
ReplyDeleteas for ADD, i knew i had it the day my son was diagnosed with it, and i started taking medication for it the beginning of this year. and now even i can see and feel the difference in my life. it's huge. it's amazing. after all, why should one HAVE to struggle when there's a remedy available for it... it's like a fog was lifted from my thoughts and thinking, and to now have the ability to simply sit and relax without my mind running at superspeed making lists and lists of things i need to do... all i can say is wheeeewwwww.
Agree, and agree.
ReplyDeleteI could not agree with you more!
ReplyDeleteI hope your friend will be able to build on that experience.
ReplyDeleteah bless.. Im glad you encouraged your friend to do it anyway.
ReplyDeletefeel the fear and do it anyway. we all think we're shite and we are all WRONG. We're actually MUCH better than we realize..
you're right. we all need success to give us hope and build on. we have to risk it and try anyway in order to find out we are okay after all :)
thanks for sharing this nice story Syd :)
What a beautiful post...we could all use a caring & encouraging friend like you. It inspires me to find a way to be that for someone else. I see myself in your friend. I am so grateful for those true friends who have led me through my fears & anxieties.....God bless....
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