Monday, November 14, 2011

Fitting together

Tonight, I drove out to the country to my home group meeting.  There were only three of us, but it doesn't matter because we seem to have plenty to talk about. Tonight a lady shared about her progress of being able to go to an annual party with her alcoholic husband and have a decent time without a lot of anxiety about his drinking.  She was amazed that she could get through the evening without feeling embarrassed.

I don't know that I could get through an evening like the ones we used to have at parties.  Al-Anon says that I can be happy whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.  Somehow the happiness eludes me when someone I love is drunk and making an ass of themselves.  Maybe it's because I was totally sober.  My solution for big parties where there is a lot of drinking is to not go.  Or if I go, to leave when I start to feel uncomfortable.  The choices I have put me at ease now.  It's good to know that I don't have to feel bound to do something out of some kind of co-dependent obligation.

After just a few days of talking and emailing caregivers for the parents, we were able to find a wonderful couple who have accepted the position.  They are enthusiastic,  capable and up for the challenge.  All the concerns that we both had about finding someone weren't necessary.  Amazing how things fall into place.  As my sponsor would say, "The Higher Power likes to show off from time to time."

Tomorrow, we are going out on the water for another day of fishing.  The weather is supposed to be beautiful.  The moon was rising as I was driving home.  It must be the harvest moon because it was huge in the sky.  We are in the midst of a pretty time of year here.  The trees are colorful, the nights are cool, and the days are warm and sunny.  The tourists have mostly gone home so the beaches and waterways aren't crowded.

Today all seems to fit together in a way that feels good.

Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic. ~Anais Nin


  1. This post speaks to me. Thank you, Syd. Glad you didn't have to wait long for new caregivers for your in-laws.

  2. My husband loves to fish, but I never go with him. You have made me think, I should once in awhile.

  3. I felt such a sigh of relief when you wrote that you found new caregivers! That is so stressful. Being an adult is really hard work.

  4. My wife works in assisted living facility. some of their "clients" get dropped off and the next time a family member comes to the place is to settle the bill. Don't forget to keep up with your in-laws and also enjoy the calm of the end of tourist season.

  5. today all fits know i think that is the mark of a great day in the making...

    and woot on new caregivers

  6. I never heard that before but I like it. Sometimes God just likes to show off. Truly he does like to make flamboyant demonstrations of his love.

  7. glad to hear you found new caregivers, must be a weight off your shoulders.

  8. Ah! Wonderful news about the caregivers!
    And your quote was needed for me today. I am having some anxiety, not so bad, but any is too much when it is free-floating, undeserved, unnecessary. And I am not around anyone to strangle with it, which is good but...I do not care to take myself down with it either.
    I am going to walk and I am going to remember that it is not really my due in life.
    Thank-you, Syd.

  9. Oh gosh, I am so glad you found new caregivers! I love the quote at the bottom of your post also. Thanks Syd.

  10. Love the quote from your sponsor - I've had some of those experiences of my Higher Power "showing off" and they're great fun.

  11. I appreciate your thoughtful-as-always post and the visuals in your words and the photography you're so faithful to provide.

    Regarding "the choices I have put me at ease now." This resonates more and more for me since I started reading Alanon literature and thinking and going to meetings and thinking some more, and acting on what I'm learning and seeing. It has resonated more and more as I recognize and simply excercise my power of choice - importantly - as I see fit or on my behalf. I'm learning to go with my own natural flow given my alcoholics rather than fighting my alcoholics which is sooo much easier for me. It can be disorienting to an alcoholic, too, who relies on argument or poor behavior from me. In going with my own flow under whatever circumstances are at hand, I have no turmoil, I create no drama, and welcome or engage in no conflict. Nice by-product is getting to know my natural self and letting myself trust myself. I'm building a new self-history that says I can and do rely on me.

  12. Congrats on finding new caregivers, that has to be a weight off of your wife's and your shoulders. I love your sponsor's quote about a Higher Power!

    I, also, love having choices...


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