Today I visited a friend who has gone 21 years without a drink. He still has a lot of the "isms" in spite of all those years. Having not had a job in three years, he got a trick on Halloween in the form of a court summons for failure to make payments on his place. It's interesting how he blames everyone else but himself for the situation. Getting a job would be a great start to a course of action that would lift him up. I keep my mouth shut and wonder at the power of alcoholism that manages to have a hold on someone even after so many years without a drink.
Being a victim of circumstances in life and exuding negative energy makes a person difficult to be around. I see how the self-centered alcoholic thinking narrows the universe down to just what is in their sphere. I used to wonder how alcoholics could only be concerned about themselves. Now I see that being a victim, whether alcoholic or not, tends to make a person think mostly about what their problems are. People who are victims seldom seem interested in what others are doing because all the focus is on their own situation.
What if a person decided to stop being a victim and focus outside of themselves, broadening the world to include others and inquire after their happiness? I think that is where a real difference can be made towards having a life that is full and rewarding versus one that is confined and negative. But it takes a real change in attitude and behavior.
I don't know if my friend has victim mentality. I know that I did for a long time. I blamed the alcoholic for most of my unhappiness, until I began to wonder who had erected the prison that I was living in. No one was forcing me to stick around for emotional abuse. I did that willingly. When I came face to face with my own victim mentality, I began to see that the walls of isolation and self-pity were erected by me.
Moving away from being a victim and accepting my part was key to having healthy relationships with others. I have no one to blame but myself if I stick around for abuse. I am glad to have stopped wondering who is doing what to me and why. I can look at what I am doing which has made a huge difference in my life.