I'm going to go out on the boat for about four days. The temperature is going to be great--warm during the day with cool nights. My spirit is needing a respite from politics and family. I am needing a brief geographic cure, just to put some things on the back burner.
One of the things that has seared me in the last couple of days was overhearing my father-in-law say that I had not done much for them. The scenario was that I stopped by to check on them. My mother-in-law said to Pop that it was nice that I had stopped by. His reply was: "What has he ever done for us?". That one cut deeply.
I don't need to defend myself against the comment. I know what I have done. And I know that he is old and angry. Nonetheless, such an appraisal is one that makes me realize that we either know each other too well or not at all. That seems to be the way with many human relationships. It's a pity, really.
So I'll get away from it all for a few days. I'm going to sear my mind with sunny days, sparkling water, beach sand, and fair winds.
Try to understand men. If you understand each other you will be kind to each other. Knowing a man well never leads to hate and almost always leads to love. ~John Steinbeck
17 comments:
Oh god.
Even though you know the truth of the matter, it's amazing how deeply an angry false comment can cut.
And also make you wonder why you bother.
Go! Be on the boat! Let the wind carry hurt away. Let the waves rock you into comfort.
enjoy the time away...and let the comment go as well...nothing you can do about it and you know what you have done...
I've learned that I don't need other people's gratitude in order to feel at peace with my contribution. It would be nice, but it's not necessary for my peace of mind. When I've done what I can, I let it go
Enjoy your time. You are so smart to not take words of anger to heart. I learned that in AlAnon and I think it saved my marriage. Have a pleasant weekend, my friend.
I would suspect this poor old guy suffers a bit, not only from his own dry-alcoholism, but from a mental problem like narcissism (spelling here). I have a daughter with this problem, and my first child with whom I now live, is dealing with a truly diagnosed case of this disorder in her ex-husband (who happens to be a child clinical psychologist??!!) - who has literally run amuk. Anyway, I'll not tell other stories. I only wanted to bring about the possibility that your father-in-law has definitely got a problem, and YOU with your sweet generous self - - - still feels the hurt from your own childhood when you work so hard to please someone else - and get kicked in the heart for it. The comment was NOT meant for you - - - it was meant for himself - - - and you just got in the way. Step back, sweetie, you are still the great person God made you, and your unselfishness to others will win over with no need for defense. Remember, defending 'something' makes it bigger than it needs to be.
Love ya,
Anonymous #1
Letting go and letting God. Other people's angry words still cut deep into my heart, it is tough to let go right away when we care.
I hope the time on the boat will help you heal and help let it go.
Enjoy your serenity.
Syd I have never met you and don't know the details but I know you have given much in spirit, service and self to your Father In Law over the years and you would have done it anyway whether he said thank you or not.
An attitude like that is his problem, not yours. Like you said, you know what you've done for them and for their daughter too! Chin up!
Is it possible that he is starting to experience dementia as well? No matter, you are right: you know what you have done, and that is all that truly matters in the end.
It sounds like he is lashing out without thinking, hurtful all the same. I hope you have a good break, Syd.
ouch. Yes, touching comments. OR you could have him overhear you saying "it's such a shame, he doesn't know he has dementia and can't remember where he buried the 500k I gave him for his retirement."
:-)
I think you are doing the right thing by not analyzing his motives, but taking care of yourself.
Syd, You are "safe" to lash out at. He must know that you will still be there. That does not make it any easier but it may provide some comfort. Hang in there.
I'm learning lately that I take too many things that others say personally, I am also learning that there is a feeling inside that does over ride the hurt and fear based in what others think/feel.
I am grateful that you do so much Syd and that you share of yourself freely!
Glad you can take care of yourself and relax on the water.
What they think of me is none of my buisness....
My mouth dropped open when I read his comment.... thank God we don't depend on what others think of what we do or do not do.
That's when you let go and let God...
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