Wednesday, April 4, 2012

If you attend an open AA meeting

I have attended open AA meetings since I began Al-Anon.  I was encouraged to go to open meetings to hear the stories of alcoholics and to better understand the disease.  These open meetings remind me that hope never dies; that sobriety is possible; and that in many ways, we share the same fears. And every single speaker I hear says they wanted recovery for themselves, not because they were being nagged by a family member.

The two programs were closely allied in their origins and are naturally drawn together by their family ties. Yet the Twelve Traditions emphasize that each works more effectively if it remains separate. Thus, there can be no combining, joining, or uniting which would result in the loss of identity of either fellowship. Separateness rules out affiliation or merging, but it does not exclude cooperation with AA or acting together for mutual benefit.

Some of the open AA meetings I attend are speaker meetings where I get to hear someone's "story" of what it was like, what happened and what it is like now.  The first open AA meeting I attended was a speaker meeting.  I was so moved by what I heard that I developed a great awe for the miracles that can occur in recovery.  I was moved in that meeting to tears.  There was no blaming of the family, just a focus on their recovery through the steps.  I realized then the power of those steps because if they could help someone who was in such dire circumstances with alcoholism, then they surely could help me.

When I go to open Big Book studies or open discussion meetings, I know to not share but say that I am a grateful member of Al-Anon who is there to listen.  I learned that at AA meetings, even open ones, it is only appropriate for alcoholics (or people there because of their own drinking problem) to share (unless specifically asked to be a speaker).  The primary purpose is for alcoholics to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.  I can't do that from my non-alcoholic perspective.  It would be equally inappropriate for an alcoholic who isn't affected by someone else's drinking to share at an Al-Anon meeting. Or for a friend, who is along to just lend moral support, to share.

Several years ago,  when I was in the first year of Al-Anon,  I was out of town at a work conference.  I was having a tough time--I was away from home, screwed up in the head, and a co-dependent mess.  I couldn't find an Al-Anon meeting to attend, so I went to an open AA meeting within walking distance of the hotel.

I walked into that mid-day meeting and introduced myself to an elderly gentleman in a wheelchair. I told him that I was in Al-Anon but needed to be at a meeting.  I think he could tell that I was a mess.   He asked me to chair the meeting which I declined.  He then told me that it would be okay and would help the other attendees.  I felt unsure about this,  but decided that if I was being asked to do something then I needed to go ahead with it.  God knows, I needed to be at that meeting. For some reason, I felt that I was being guided to do this and just trusted that it would all be okay.

So I read How It Works and then he asked me to tell my story.  So I gave about a 15 minute share about what being me currently felt like and how I had gotten into Al-Anon for help in my own recovery. There were about 10 people present at the meeting and each one who shared indicated that my story reminded them of why they needed to stay sober and of the pain that they had caused others. One fellow said that he had committed crimes on a daily basis during his years of alcohol and drugs, had been to thousands of AA meetings but had never heard an Al-Anon speak.  He said that the honesty and courage that I expressed were to be commended.  These people made me feel welcome.  I left that meeting with a sense of well-being that put me at peace.

I may have committed a breach in the traditions, but I will not forget the kindness I was shown by the AA fellowship there. And for some reason that made me feel better about a lot of things. It may not have been the best thing for a beginner in Al-Anon to do, but I appreciate that the elderly man in the wheelchair recognized a fellow lost soul and reached out to help.

21 comments:

  1. Recovery only works when we want that.when we think it for someone else that chances are we will fail. that has happened to me many times.

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  2. The kindness I have experienced and witnessed in AA always astounds me, Syd. Nothing ever shocks people who have known what it is like to hit bottom, to be homeless, in prison, at the point of death and then, mi5raculously, to make their way back.

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  3. It worked out thats the thing. Sometimes I think that it's OK to let go some of the rigidity we have i AA. So long as it doesn't become the norm. Thanks for the kind words as well Syd. Take care

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  4. I have never heard one alcoholic or addict blame their family at any of the open AA/NA meetings I have attended. And I've always felt welcome.

    That was very unusual for you to talk, but it was a small meeting, and everyone agreed. We can learn so much when we keep an open mind.

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  5. I love kindness most of all, a true recognition of need and the willingness to serve it.

    Sounds like it was an awesome meeting, inspired really! :)

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  6. I have attended several open AA meetings and speaker meetings. In addition, we do have a meeting that is AA/Alanon and both share. Do you think this is against this tradition?

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  7. My guess is that meeting will go down in Syd History as one of the game changers. I've had a few of those in recovery and I thank God for them.

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  8. smiles....it is a beautiful thing to see some of the grenuine love and care between those in the meeting man

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  9. I just love the story- how serendipity sometimes works so beautifully for all concerned. Perfect moments in time that were completely unexpected.

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  10. I love the balance we're able to strike (most of the time) between Traditions, and simple dire need for recovery. Folks in AA and Al-Anon meetings can almost always be counted upon to place the immediate need for recovery above semantics, ritual, ceremony and even the Traditions. I love that about us!

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  11. Thank you for sharing this story, Syd. It moved me. My husband and I regularly have a dinner with others in recovery. This group of four couples has only 2 alanons. I am usually silent regarding the disease during these dinners. I refrain from a glass of wine. And I learn a lot and develop a compassionate heart.

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  12. Thank you so much for this post, Syd. I also attend open AA meetings, and find them to be amazing places to explore my own Alanon recovery. Initially I thought that I would learn to understand alcoholic thinking by attending AA meetings, but it hasn't worked that way. What has happened is that I have grown much more comfortable with things I will never understand, and could never control. I have witnessed some truly remarkable people who have taught me how to trust again, not only in them, but in my higher power as well.

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  13. Syd..you do realize that only in science are the protocols absolute right? In life sometimes the hand that guides points us in directions we don't want to go but when we get there we KNOW it is where we belonged. Besides you can chalk that one time up as your outlaw moment.

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  14. Syd, I have learned through both fellowships that angels are provided when necessary. Sounds to me like you had a good angel waiting for you in that meeting. Chances are that you will cross paths with that particular soul; but there will be others for you, I"m sure.

    Beautiful story.

    Hugs,
    Anonymous #1

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  15. Sitting in AA Meetings helped me to understand my father who passed away many years ago. I witnessed grown men cry.
    Hearing others stories I developed compassion for the alcoholic who still suffers in and out of the rooms.

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  16. I attended AA meetings to get a different perspective. It helped me to have compassion and see that how my husband acted was not personal and part of the disease.

    Once some friends and I were attending an open AA meeting and the speaker was bashing his wife who was in Alanon for taking his 4th step inventory to her lawyer.

    He ask if anyone there was in Alanon and we decided not to identify ourselves. Some are sicker than others. Note to self: Burn the inventory.

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  17. I enjoy open AA meetings. I learn a lot about the disease, perspective from the alcholic, and my recovery. I find it is a blessing everytime I get a chance to go. I also, 99% of the time cry in those meetings because of the beauty of the different stories of recovery, hope, and help they recieved through the program.

    What an amazing oppotunity you had at that AA meeting. Recovery is a beautiful thing and glad that group handed it over to their HP that day to let the miracles happen.

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  18. Great post. I am so grateful for the kind people at my nar-anon meetings. I am beyond blessed.

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  19. Thanks Syd for your "share."

    What a gift it must have been for you to meet that man, and his sensitivity.

    I appreciate your honesty and authenticity in this post. Isn't amazing how we can go to groups and find others saying what we are thinking? Thank you for doing that here, in what you wrote.

    Have a great Sunday!

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  20. Really nice. All meetings are subjective, and it's uncanny how when you are in the depths of despair, meetings tend to gravitate exactly where they need to, to help you at that particular time. Maybe it's just me. Serendipity.

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