Last night, the Tuesday night group had a nice celebration for one of the long time members in Al-Anon. She celebrated 30 years and talked about the turning point for her. It came when she was told that her alcoholic son had a Higher Power of his own, and she wasn't it. To her, that simple statement meant that she could stop trying to force her will on her son. She could let him go to find his way, entrusting him to a power greater than herself. I have heard her story many times and remembered the first time she shared that she could finally not carry all the burdens of others on her shoulders. Her words helped me to shrug off the weight that I carried for so long.
Vanity, ego and stubbornness were my enemies when dealing with others. If only the person would do what I said, then all would be okay. But people have their own minds, their own time table, and their own shortcomings. It was presumptuous of me to think that I could make another person do as I wanted. The cost in energy to my being was huge.
Now when I see a person stumble, I offer my hand, a word of encouragement, but I don't try to fix or change them. Many times I have bitten my tongue when I see what I think are mistakes a person is making. But who am I to say whether what they do is a mistake? Their beliefs and actions are theirs to own. I know that our paths may diverge and that is okay.
At some point, there will be a turning point for each of us, a place where we either realize that the path we are following is folly or one that will lead us to where we were hoping to go.
In every life there is a turning point. A moment so tremendous, so sharp and clear that one feels as if one's been hit in the chest, all the breath knocked out, and one knows, absolutely knows without the merest hint of a shadow of a doubt that one's life will never be the same.— Julia Quinn
I just used the term "let go and let god" in my post today, Syd, but I have to admit that it wasn't in a good way.
ReplyDeleteI don't have your faith and I admit that, even though I understand that your definition of a Higher Power is something far more akin to my beliefs than the traditional definition of a God is.
I am glad that this faith is there for some. Including you. Perhaps some day I will have a turning point and understand.
Or perhaps not.
But I respect you and your faith as always.
Thank you for this Syd. Great post. Love the quote by Julia Quinn too.
ReplyDeleteOh Syd, perfect timing. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteso true on each one having their turning point...and for us an realizing we can not fix them...have a few marks on the tongue from my own biting...smiles...
ReplyDeletePowerful quote from Julia Quinn. My Al-Anon sponsor reminds me often that my children have a Higher Power who loves them even more than I do. Letting go and trusting that that is true is hard to do.
ReplyDeleteI want to change.. I mean help my friend so bad right now. Letting go and trusting it will all work out just the way it is supposed to is comforting me today.
ReplyDeleteLetting go Letting God
What an amazing place for a mother to come to for her son. We mothers carry so much guilt and responsibility for our children. The world is happy to throw the brokenness of a child on the back of the mother. I am truly in awe and inspired to hear this story. I wonder what age a child reaches when a mother can see the end of her responsibility for the actions of her child. Great post.
ReplyDeleteI love that quote. I'm taking it and saving it in hopes that, one day, I can say that I've experienced such a thing.
ReplyDeleteActually, I've experienced a turning point or two....moving to Texas, having my son...but I'm looking for another.
ReplyDeleteHi Syd, I am a new reader and first time commenter, though I've enjoyed your comments on others' blogs for a while.
ReplyDelete"The cost in energy to my being was huge." I can relate more and more to this as I look back on my recent past before I started practicing detachment and acceptance. It's amazing how tiring it was trying to get other people to simply do what I wanted, when and how I wanted it. ;) I especially love the Julia Quinn quote. Have a super day!
A very nice post today, Syd.
ReplyDeleteI DO remember my turning point...it knocked the wind out of me, but once I recovered I was able to reclaim my life. No regrets, however. Everything is a learning experience.
It's so interesting to me to have gotten to the ripe old age of 79 and to be able to look back and see clearly the "turning points" of my life. I sure wish that the journey into a sober life had started earlier..it would have made so many of those turning points easier...for me and others !
ReplyDeleteI've had a turning point like that Syd -- devastating at the time but it helped me re-orient my life.
ReplyDeleteAccepting others for who they are and where they are is core to relationship. I find these days that I can hear others disagree with me or be critical of my views without being inwardly disturbed or fearing that the friendship is harmed. I just listen and reconsider my own views which may differ, may have common ground, may change in time. Then we can agree to differ.
Hi Syd, your blog really touches me, have been reading it for awhile... Just wanted you to know about a website i started ReadYourBiblesChurch.com... It's a place for Bible study guides.. I also put a forum in that can be viewed from a mobile device.. I couldn't find where to contact you privately so I'm commenting, hope that is okay. :) God Bless!
ReplyDeleteJenn.
Bravo!
ReplyDeleteI, like Ginnie, have not had moments of clarity when a turning point is reached. I seem to look back and say "Ah...that time or event changed my life."
All individual of mankind must walk their own path at their own pace.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this, it was spot-on what I needed today. I haven't been blog-reading much in the last few months (nothing personal against the blogs I was reading, just took a hiatus) and flipped back to yours today and rec'd this wonderful nugget of relief, peace and also a bit of a "reality slap"....all things this mom of adult kids needed. Again, thank you.
ReplyDeleteReally good post. And, a timely one. I had a visit with my son where he told me how long he'd been sober and for the first time ever, I didn't need to know. It is a wonderful feeling.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! What a relief to not carry the burden of others on my shoulders. After reading this it really made me think about the slight ups and downs of service work for our group recently. I really liked what you said "But people have their own minds, their own time table, and their own shortcomings." I'm getting better at simply offering that hand and encouragement, then letting it go.
ReplyDeletegetting a lot out of your writing. This post in particular really hit home. My turning point was knowing that, after all my work of letting go of my need to 'fix' 'whomever,' letting go also involved my letting go of that relationship. My staying in a bad situation was not going to get that person well, and I didn't have to put up with the pain of seeing it all fall down. Al-Anon was a big help to me, though, like most I'm sure, I didn't prescribe to every Al-Anon belief.
ReplyDeleteContinued goodness to you and your wife!