Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Clearing skies

We have had some terrific storms here in the last few days.  The one on Saturday evening was spectacular, with lightening arcing across the sky.  Our boat and one other were anchored for the light show.  When the rain came, we hunkered below and after a few minutes were treated to a beautiful sunset.  These are the moments of clarity for me, a chance to refresh the mind and body.    I could see a change in my wife also, as she was relaxed and cheerier after the weekend.

I didn't realize that she had stopped taking medication several months ago.  Yesterday, she had an appointment with a new doctor who prescribed meds to help her sleep and for depression.  My thoughts, which I keep to myself, are that
she would probably feel better if she went thoroughly through the steps with a new sponsor and found a spiritual solution.  Many recovering alcoholics find that Al-Anon also helps when dealing with the effects of living with an alcoholic. I know that she had a hard time with her father when growing up.  I also know that she has to find her way to work through this.

One of the hardest things is to watch someone I love struggling with a spirit breaker like depression, alcoholism, or the myriad of problems that plague humans.  Time has taught me that there is nothing I can do to relieve their suffering except love them and take care of myself.  And I pray for those who are sick and suffering to move through the darkness within to light and peace.


  1. Magnificent images. I find seeking relief in the steps helps me center myself and remember that it isn't about me. My prayers for C and you and recovery. :)

  2. We just had an enormous mountain thunder and lightening storm a few nights ago too! It was breath taking!! Our whole bedroom kept lighting up all night long and the loud rumbles of thunder...little Lu came and crawled in bed with us....I loved it! Snuggly and together while nature showed off outside our door.

    I tried to stop my little anti-depressant a few weeks ago and it didn't work out. I thought because of all of my exercise and I am feeling so great, that maybe this time it would work. But no....my brain chemistry is still what it is. I became over whelmed, emotional, and frazzled and that came out as anger and crabbiness. lol So I went back on and I feel great again. I don't know if that is right or wrong...but it is what is for today for me. I think Alanon would probably be wonderful for your wife to deal with her feelings surrounding her parents. I would like to see her work through it all now while they are still alive. Once they are gone it can certainly happen, but I always like to see peace come to the relationships, some resolution, while the person is still here too. That is a beautiful thing. For them to go and the slate is clean. I've missed reading you Syd....Ive been so busy. Crazily so...but I am knocking all of that craziness off beginning today! :o) And I am taking time for myself. And that included reading some of my favorite blogs.

  3. My daughter is now in the psyche ward because of a suicide attempt (second one). We tried to get her committed but because she is voluntarily cooperating, they won't. For the last couple of years, she can barely get out of bed. He depression is so much more severe than I ever realized and it scares me so much. On top of her addiction, which she claims is the only things that helps, its all I can do to hang on to some modicum of hope. My higher power has been sustaining me, along with my home group. Its so painful to watch her suffering. I pray that she can get the help she needs, but I so wish she had the DESIRE and HOPE to BELIEVE she could get better. I have to remind myself that hope is there as long as she is breathing.

  4. i am glad you are getting those refreshing moments....because it is hard..i hope she takes the medication he prescribed...i def think it can help...and that she finds that way...

  5. Syd, God bless you for the patience needed in watching your spouse inch into the trench of depression sleeplessness - - -all caused by family situations. I can so identify with what you have described.

    Yes, I totally agree, this special AA could benefit greatly from the loving program of Al-Anon. No offense intended for those who may read this: but, I have learned that AA is primary to help an individual face a chemical disorder/disease (whichever you choose to call it).

    I know from experience, that Al-Anon is designed to help an individual learn to accept and even love people, places, and situations beyond their own control. By learning this, one learns to accept others exactly as they are, without 'fixing' them. Love is very powerful in this instance, and has provided me with great humility and gratitude in practicing Steps 1, 2, and 3 - the foundation steps that helped me make the decision to 'fix' my own life and learn how to love and be loved.

    Thanks for letting me preach. My feelings are very tender just now.

    I know that C is in good hands; you are a great lover.

    Anonymous #1

  6. Sometimes we just HAVE to have our medication. We don't want to need it but sometimes, we do.

  7. I love a good thunderstorm! That first picture is so rich with texture...I feel as if I'm almost looking out onto the water myself.

    I am sorry to hear that your wife is struggling with depression. It is a hard place to be in, and I'm sure it is just as hard (but in a different way) to be on the outside, loving someone who is struggling with depression.

    I do not really know you or your wife, but I do believe that you are one of the best people I *know* to be there for your wife while she goes through this. My prayers are with you both.

  8. I love a good storm, awesome in the true meaning.
    So pleased to see you back, here and there and I hope C finds the best way through this for her.

  9. Non-compliance with medication is part of the illness of depression -- I hope the new meds and talk-therapy help and that there are more times of relaxation and clarity for both of you. Amazing images, Syd.

  10. If she's trying a new doctor then she's taking action and as long as a person is willing to take action there's a great chance for change.
    You of course, are always willing to take action.....Mr. SeaMan.

  11. Syd I know this is going to sound odd but just because someone somewhere decided that being depressed (sad) was an abnormal state of mind does not make it so.

    so drugs inhibit the re-uptake of Serotonin, activity causes the brain to produce more than the drugs can stop from the re uptake. I know it's hard to watch someone who is running down the Bummer road but you know what, having been down that path myself i find that once I stopped running and started to look at my fears, long held and real in their source. I became objective about them forgave the makers of them and the road, well the road just went on it was still named Bummer but what the hell it's only a name and it is lined with good shit too.

  12. Pammie has much wisdom! I know the feeling of this post, and I agree about the steps. We all have our own path though sometimes I wish I could direct the show, in reality I know God's the best director there is and I... well I fumble through in a lot of directions.

  13. Wow, those are fantastic photos.

    I'm sorry your wife is still struggling. I didn't find prescriptions for depression to help me at all. I think if the issues are chemical, they can really get people through, but for me, my issues were things that needed therapy, AA and other work. I'm not totally out of the woods, but every day is better than where I was.

  14. These 2 photos have to be some of favorites from your collection!
    I live with a work-alcoholic who suffers from depression, he is suffering working all the time. It's hard to love him in his disease but I turn it over to HP for the plans.......

  15. Syd those photos are amazing! Thank you for sharing. I can relate to the storms helping to feel refreshed both in mind and body.

    I find it tough that H walks a different path than the one I think he should walk... the one I think will provide him help and relief. However, only his HP knows if that is the path he needs to walk and he has to want that help, and he doesn't. He has recently made some decisions to walk a different path, that is his choice. I can love and support him and hand him over to his own HP, whether he believes that or not. It pains me to see him suffer... but I can't and don't want to own his pain anymore.

    "Only in the darkness can you see the stars." MLK jr

  16. Hmm yes year 6 can be tricky... I prefer no meds myself, so yes I would tend to go along with your prognosis.. meds is a tricky subject to broach with people.. i only really take it on with sponsees.. I don't give too much detail to others as I cant really do it justice in small bits. I have met so many ppl now who have had very dark spells but are able to endure the discomfort and keep the faith, meaning just do the next right thing.. it always works.. even with terrible circumstances.. Ive seen it work with new and old timers.. but its very prevalent attitude that meds is the solution nowdays.. so very difficult to address unless a one to one. Well C is always welcome to my number if she wants it.. its v cheap to call the US so I can call if its too expensive to call the other way.. Hope she finds a way out or through the dark patch..


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