Thursday, July 26, 2012
The Black Dog
I realize that the black dog is within me at times too. But at this time, I can't feel anything but acceptance and compassion. I am not depressed but filled with hope. Honestly, it seems that for the better part of our marriage there has been either alcohol or some other issue that has pulled at us. Yet, here we are: Two people who love each other but who struggle with our own demons, sometimes separately and sometimes together as a force against what tries to pull us apart.
I am continuing to do those things that I enjoy, although I am concerned about my beautiful wife. My hope is that she will be able to shake what has caused her such anxiety, let it go, and stop blaming herself for the problems of others. She feels sad because her mother stayed with her father for so many years, probably emotionally battered by his alcoholic behavior. She feels anger and sadness for her father who she no longer wants to visit. She expressed her frustration that over the past year, she has had a heart attack, had to be responsible for her parents and their financial affairs, and hasn't really had a chance to do the things that she wants to do.
I could explain that her parents are well taken care of, her health is now good, her mother is now apart from her father and made her own choices over the years, but I know that all I really need to say is, "I love you and am here."
"I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me." ~ Elizabeth Gilbert