Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Where is spring?

Where is spring?  I see the leaves opening, the shades of green appearing in the woods and fields, the azaleas in bloom.  Yet, the winds are chilly, with temperatures more like February than late March.  We have stuck close to home, making soup, taking care of estate and tax things for Pop, going to the boat to make sure all is okay there.  We intersperse our time with trips to the store, to see Pop, and to meetings.

In the midst of a torrential rain and wind storm before dawn on Sunday morning, one of the giant water oaks gave out, its heart rotten, and its base no longer able to support the mighty limbs.  After the shock of seeing this beautiful tree down, we began the work of cutting it up to clear the drive way, making piles of brush and logs that will be split and stored for some future cold days.  And we make plans for what to plant to replace the loss, a live oak of some height, and an oak seedling that we have grown for two years.  Neither will mature in our life time, but perhaps one day, they will be admired in all their magnificence. 
I go to meetings, listening and sharing the message, yet I feel some kind of sea change within.  It's as if a spark has been buried under some kind of ash and dank wood.  I am hoping that spring and being on the boat and at the beach will rekindle the spark.  I find I have little patience with myself or others.  It still feels like winter within, and I wonder when the little shoots of joy will burst open again inside.

A fellow I sponsor has decided that he doesn't need to go to meetings because the alcoholic is no longer in his life.  I wish that it were so simple.  I would like to think that I would not resort to irritation, anger, resentment, expectations, and bitter disappointments if I were to walk away from meetings and the fellowship.  The truth is I know that I need to be going to more meetings right now.  I need to share, do more service work, stay in touch with friends, and sponsor those who do want what I have to offer.

I know that spring is here. I just have to see my way through until it flowers in my heart.


  1. I have found it is important to take care of yourself in times of grief. I feels life I have been grieving most of my life.

    The cold weather doesn't help and makes me want to pull the covers up over my head.

    When I am blue my counselor suggest I eat chocolate. Maybe some hot chocolate with tiny marshmellows will lift your mood.

  2. Water oaks grow quickly and seem fine until the day they fall over, yes, rotten at the core while live oaks grow slowly and are sturdy for many centuries.
    I think you have a metaphor for something here.
    We do not plant live oaks for ourselves, do we? We plant them for many future generations and in that, there is something crazy-good.

  3. wow...that is some tree that fell...
    spring will find your heart again man,
    of that i am sure...we all walk this path
    a bit different...love on your wife,
    eat some of that soup, and live

  4. I'm waiting on spring to come. I heard there was snow on the east coast. I'm vacationing in the mountains and they are coveting the snow here. I'm glad you find so much support in your meetings. I only go sporadically, and it shows in how I react to stress, sometimes. I know the program works if you work it. I'm glad the meetings are always there for me.

  5. Syd -- - no real message here; only, get through this day, and tomorrow will always be your gift to open in the present day as it happens.

    Hugs and love,
    Anonymous #1

  6. Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.

    The mind decides which room of the mansion the heart dwells in.

  7. What a lot of work to cut up that huge tree! Have you done that all yourself?

    I pray this cloud of grief will quickly float away for you.

  8. I am on the East coast, up in the hills of Western Mass, and we have snow in our yard at my house. The whole yard is completely covered, not just a little leftover in the corner. Down in the river valley, along the Connecticut River, though the snow has melted. It can seem like 2 different worlds sometimes as I commute back and forth from my home to work.

    Now as to the person who thinks he no longer needs meetings... give him time. I stopped being able to go to meetings many years ago when my schedules in life changed. However I still carry Al-Anon in my heart, seek it out online, and read the program materials I have at home. When my ex and I broke up I felt relief, but I knew I wasn't done with the program. When my mother moved to Florida I thought maybe my troubles would ease up, but they keep coming back. I also know for myself, that Al-Anon applies in many parts of my life. Being an Adult Child of an Addict I will never be free of the effects of addiction. It is a part of me to the core. I don't know how long this person you were sponsoring was in the program, or if he really is free of the addicts in his life, but give him time. He may be back, or he may not. You can't control it so let it go. Leave it to your higher power to deal with. I think you know how to do that, and you will.

  9. I'm sorry that grief is chilling your heart and I hope you will find patience with yourself to weather it out.

    Sometimes all we can do is put one foot in front of the other until we leave our troubled feelings enough in the past to not have them drag us down too far. Hugs to you.

  10. I've beeen wond wondering where spring is as well.yester we had snow comming down.

  11. HI Syd~ Ironically, I've jumped on to read something on your site after just coming home from a meeting. What you wrote is the same way I have been feeling. I had decided to do sort of service work, volunteering with the poor. I hadn't even thought about service work in the meeting. I needed that reminder.

    I feel lost, even in the program, right now, and a bit uncertain. The program has held me through many things over the past several years. I continue to trust in God that this too will pass and to lean on more meetings during this time.

    It feels good to look outside of myself for a bit, until this passes. Spring can't come soon enough. God's peace be with you, and thanks for the suggestions on where to get CD's or talks to listen to. I pulled out one called Emotional Sobriety that was a great shot in the arm.


  12. I guess weather patterns are changing all over the globe, lately seasons are acting weird

  13. Thank you soooo much for sharing, I have felt a lot like you, both in the past and recently....and, spring is coming, but why does it always seem to take too long?? Prayers for you and your wife!

  14. Syd,
    We all go through times like these. Hang in there. Spring will come, my friend.

    Love you,



Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.