Sunday, August 25, 2013

A blur of days

We have been working hard to get the parent's house ready for listing with a local real estate agent. The time has flown by, with most days filled with packing up and moving boxes to storage. Yesterday was the culmination of getting it ready.  There was a showing at 3 PM so we had a blitz to finish "staging" the house.  Finally, it is done.  We can get back to some semblance of normality around here because all the effort has been going to getting the other house ready for sale.

Today is lovely.  The north wind came in overnight, so the temperatures are cool.  We've had breakfast on the porch.  I have read a few blogs and am now taking time to do a post here.  My wife is at home and not planning on going to her parent's house. Progress.

I told my story at my home group for my Al-Anon anniversary.  It felt good to share some about my past and where I am now.  The past year was one that has been so difficult due to the deaths of the parents and my cousin,  their sickness and terrible decline.

To be honest, there were times when I didn't even want to get out of bed in the morning.  I had no energy and realize that grief takes a heavy toll on me.  My wife struggled with her own sadness. Both of us were processing the losses in our own way.  She focused all her energy on packing up the house.  She wouldn't stop no matter how exhausted she was.  The handy man and I would carry the many boxes to storage. But she wanted to go through everything, sorting out those things that could be given away and those that would be saved.

I felt that separateness and loneliness returning, just as it had when her focus was on alcohol.  There was no room for me at the moment.  The difference now was that I let her be.  When she came home tired and exhausted, I would hold her close.  I would draw water in the whirlpool bath for her, pour in the bath salts, and sponge her tired body.  I cooked dinner, even if it was late in the evening.  I struggled with not asking her to stop for a few days, take a break, and relax.  I did tell her that I was concerned that she was overdoing it.

And now we are done with the house. There are a few things left to box up in the garage.  And somehow in the packing up of scrapbooks, photo albums, dishes, collectibles, linens, and all the other accumulation of 90 years of life, we have moved through grief to acceptance and joy.  We have turned the corner.

Today is beautiful so we are going to enjoy it by reading the paper, writing, picking vegetables, and going to the boat.  Emerging from sadness feels so good, like walking out of a dark cave into the light.

15 comments:

  1. Aha! Such a heart-warming post. I am so glad to see you emerging from the cocoon of pain, blossoming once again as does the beautiful butterfly into the wonder-creation the Higher Power has made it to be. What a wonderful metamorphosis these writings of yours have described over the past several months, in carrying the heavy burden of grief in the loss of so many loved ones.

    You have maintained and sustained your serenity through it all! What a great example of recovery discipline you have exhibited for yourself - and for all to see by your 'giving away' what you have, and what you have learned!

    May God's grace be with you and C today and always.

    Hugs and much love,
    Anonymous #1

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  2. Sometimes I think they had it right when they put a black wreath on the door and grieved...when my dad passed (1 1/2 years ago) my husband...like you with your wife...gave me the luxury of time. My husband was my rock and I will be forever grateful for that. Wishing you both joy...

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  3. Thank you for always sharing with us Syd. xo

    Canadiancat

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  4. i hope the house sale goes well for you...and i def see the similarities in when we get so focused...also in how you can react in such a way that it is supported....peace friend....

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  5. What a peaceful post Syd. So glad things are slowing down for you and C.

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  6. Reading your last 2 paragraphs was like feeling a cool breeze, Syd ! Hallelujia. I hope yout two will take some special time just for yourselves ... go away for a bit, or something. We will still be here waiting for your good words !

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  7. I can relate to your wife's need to keep going until everything was done ... but I can also relate to your wish to have her put things on hold for a few days. It can be very hard to accept the other person's frame of mind and be supportive in times of stress, but you surely did. And now that is all behind you.

    I hope the house sells quickly. Enjoy your time off.

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  8. I will pray the house is sold quickly and you and C. can get back to your lives. It has been a hard year!

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  9. Thank you for sharing this, Sydney. It helps me with where my family is lately.

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  10. All the best in the settling of the house. Sometimes this hard work is the balm to get through hard times. I pray for comfort for you and yours. :)

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  11. Such a beautiful post. I appreciate the way you accepted C's way of dealing with her grief, and you loved her through it. I hope many more joyful days are ahead for you.

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  12. That was a beautiful and peaceful post.

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  13. Your post nearly brought tears to my eyes. I can't even imagine the struggle that you two have gone through and your portrayal was nothing short of moving. You both are incredibly strong people and I'm so happy to hear that you've turned the corner. At some point, you just can't be sad anymore. So happy to hear it!

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  14. I'm so sorry for your loss. My online presence has been absent for a bit. I think sometimes, we have to allow people to access their grief and pain in their own way. We all differ in how we filter through the many emotional curves we deal with on a daily basis. When we allow ourselves to feel the grief deeply, we also free ourselves to find peace. (Hugs) Indigo

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