Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Another beginning

I don't like New Year's and all its celebrations.  The point of celebrating another year gone seems like wishing my life away. And at this point that is what it is.  I am becoming more aware with each passing year that time is slipping away.  I am not looking forward to 2014 because I think it's best to just stay in this day and not project all kinds of good or bad things about the future.

I can hope though. And I surely hope that 2014 will be good, because in so many ways this past year was difficult. There is nothing to do but improve on last year.  As they say, there is no where to go but up.

I realize that I can make the most of every day, even though they seem to be slipping away from me at an alarming rate.  I can't make the days slow down or the minutes of our lives stop ticking away.  And each day gone is a day that I can't get back.

Sometimes I think about all the time that I spent being unhappy and filled with self-pity--feeling sorry for myself because of so many years spent with alcoholics, time spent worrying about someone else, days spent wishing I were someone else.  The sad litany of a person out of sorts with themselves--adrift and basically unconscious about so much.

I feel less out of sorts these days. I am able to bounce back from disappointments and despair a lot quicker than I once did. But I still have my moments of sadness and a feeling of unease when the disease of alcoholism comes through at the most unexpected moments.  I still think about what life would have been like if there had been no alcoholism around me.  The "what ifs" are a dead end street.  The past can't be redone, but I don't have to keep living in it and repeating it.

So on this last day of 2013, I am going to look at it as another day to do the next right thing. It isn't a special day because it's New Year's Eve, but one like any other in which I can choose to move forward, say a kind word to others, and practice the principles of love and acceptance.  If I can do that every day, then there is nothing to fear in seeing one year gone and another beginning.


  1. today is the day we have been given to do what we will...with no promise of tomorrow...eh, we can restart any day you know...each one a clean slate...and today will shape tomorrow and the year to come...make the most of it man...

    the older i get the fast time seems to flow...

  2. A good post Syd. It is a day lost and it is up to us each day to make an impact on ourselves.

    I get no pleasure from the passing of a year as you say. I tend to look back and see the goals unaccomplished rather than appreciating the gains and feeling gratitude for the good in my life.

    New Years Eve is a little different for me. This is also my birthday. My birthday tradition is having my family over to our home and I fix them a very nice dinner. Tonight's menu is grilled steak and lobster. I enjoy preparing dinner for those close to me and enjoying their company. It's not a big typical new years party. After dinner it usually ends with board games and at midnight we usually toast the new year but at our party no one has to worry about driving home, one toast usually satisfies the crowd. Another tradition is I make homemade cinnamon rolls and put them in the oven about 11:30 and after toasting the new year we all have cinnamon rolls and coffee or milk before everyone leaves.

  3. I'm tucking these thoughts away where I can bring them out and think of them again. Thank you.

  4. "The past can't be redone, but I don't have to keep living in it and repeating it. " Amen to that, Syd. Like you, I am increasingly aware of the passing of time, and don't want to spend precious moments stewing over the pain of the past. I have made great strides this year in terms of forgiveness and letting go of grudges, but there is still more to be done in this area. That's why I'm grateful that each and every day is a chance to begin anew. Blessings to you not only for 2014 but for each day you are a part of all that is.

  5. Love your shadings and the pic...used it on FB
    Happy New Year to all!


  6. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND C, SYD. I will be in bed long before the clock strikes midnight !

  7. Good Lord Syd is all your hair gray? Sometime you will just have to say to hell with all of it...keep remonstrating on the past and the past will keep eating you alive. May i suggest that yes for you and many others 2013 sucked ass but on the other hand you made it through and have a scintilla more of peace today than you had yesterday.

    Be Well Syd and pass the message along to C. Simply be well. Now not yesterday or tomorrow. Be Well My friend!

  8. Hi Syd,

    It's good to see how you've process a year so full of grief. Your comments brought something back to mind that I heard at one of the 'open' AA meetings my sponsor insisted I hear. I was invited to share my feelings about a similar topic, I think it was "One Day At A Time.." I told the group I was Al-Anon, but they insisted they wanted to hear a newcomer. I had not been in the program very long, so my reply was more of an inquiry than a statement. It was something like, 'why one day at a time - or something like that.' They went around the room and each person shared. A long-time AA member stood and looked directly at me and said, "Young woman, it means simply that you may begin your day again at any time you choose or wish.' There were more comments; however, that was emblazoned in my mind to this day - nearly 23 years later.

    I learned pretty quickly that listening was far more helpful to me than telling all the pain with no solution. Thank God that changed with time.

    Happy New Year to you and to C.
    Anonymous #1

  9. Thank you for sharing your difficult year with us and allowing us to walk with you through it all, in whatever virtual form we all share here. Bless you Syd in this coming year.

  10. Happy Year, you are ready for good stuff. Dog kisses help, come see my sweetheart, I posted her holiday picture.

  11. Happy New Year to you and C, Syd. Making the most of each day as it comes --

  12. Good stuff to remember. I was just looking through my old journal entries & realizing how far I've come today. Too much time spent on too much pain. Today I have the choice to better spend it :)

  13. Still life - regardless of what year it is.
    Here's to no regrets and gratitude for
    the things we can change.Big hugs,

  14. Thanks to all of you for the good wishes. Yes, it was a hard year, but we are much better now. Don't worry, Mark--I am moving forward without expectations of much of anything. It's good not to be sad. And it was good to have such a simple and easy Christmas.


Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.