I can hope though. And I surely hope that 2014 will be good, because in so many ways this past year was difficult. There is nothing to do but improve on last year. As they say, there is no where to go but up.
I realize that I can make the most of every day, even though they seem to be slipping away from me at an alarming rate. I can't make the days slow down or the minutes of our lives stop ticking away. And each day gone is a day that I can't get back.
Sometimes I think about all the time that I spent being unhappy and filled with self-pity--feeling sorry for myself because of so many years spent with alcoholics, time spent worrying about someone else, days spent wishing I were someone else. The sad litany of a person out of sorts with themselves--adrift and basically unconscious about so much.
I feel less out of sorts these days. I am able to bounce back from disappointments and despair a lot quicker than I once did. But I still have my moments of sadness and a feeling of unease when the disease of alcoholism comes through at the most unexpected moments. I still think about what life would have been like if there had been no alcoholism around me. The "what ifs" are a dead end street. The past can't be redone, but I don't have to keep living in it and repeating it.
So on this last day of 2013, I am going to look at it as another day to do the next right thing. It isn't a special day because it's New Year's Eve, but one like any other in which I can choose to move forward, say a kind word to others, and practice the principles of love and acceptance. If I can do that every day, then there is nothing to fear in seeing one year gone and another beginning.