The shadow of drug and alcohol addiction seem to complicate things even when I am not directly involved. Yesterday, the complication came up out of the blue.
My wife and I invited a fellow I sponsor and his mom and dad to come over for Christmas dinner. Recently, he told me that his older brother had re-entered the country and was coming to live with them. The brother had left the US to return to Mexico because he was wanted for drug use and had stolen money from the young man I sponsor. J, who I sponsor, was concerned about his return and what that would mean in terms of family dynamics.
Anyway, yesterday, J asked if the brother could come here for Christmas dinner too. I had anticipated this question which is why I had only invited J, and his Mom and Dad. So I said that I was sorry, but I wasn't comfortable having the brother here, whom I had not met. My wife wasn't comfortable having him either. He is not in a recovery program in the US, although he has told J that he has been clean for 3 years while in Mexico.
So now it appears that J's mother won't be coming and probably his father either, because the brother is not invited. I am okay with this. My wife was not happy last night because she did not think that J should have asked about the brother and is now hoping that none of them comes here. Sigh....I explained that J doesn't understand a lot about social etiquette here in the US. And that he seemed okay with the boundary, wanting to still come over here for Christmas dinner.
I understand my wife's anxiety because we have invited people into our house who have stolen from us. I feel comfortable with the decision to reiterate that J, his mom and dad are welcome. And perhaps in the future after we meet the brother, he will be included. For now, it's a little complication that I am not allowing to mess with our Christmas. I am okay with just C. and me on Christmas.
Personal boundaries are about keeping my serenity. In this case, a boundary is about feeling safe with someone coming into our home. Christmas is a time of good will. I feel good will. And I wish a holiday of peace and joy for all of you.