Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Wedding anniversary and giving thanks

Tomorrow is a celebration for us--our wedding anniversary.  I won't tell you how many years,  but suffice to say that most people did not give us great odds in lasting as long as we have. I know that most of our friends in graduate school have been divorced at least once and yet, here we are together.

I'm not being smug because it has not been a smooth journey.  And I thought about divorce many times over the years. In fact, after every drunk episode, I wanted out.  I did what most people do who live with alcoholism, I keep hoping that things would change--that she would change.  And in the morning after a drunken night, I would believe the promises that she would be different and meant to quit drinking this time. And the years went by.

Even for a while after my wife joined AA, I did not give us much of a chance. But through patience, respect and growing love for each other, we are still together.  I am at the point in my life where I cherish every day with her.

A lady at my meeting last night has been living with a dry drunk for many years. They basically have little communication.  And she had been in tears at last week's meeting because she did not have the kind of relationship that she wanted. So I shared then that what I began doing that first year in recovery was hugging my wife and telling her more and more that I loved her.  And from there, we began to heal. That is how we interact now--lots of hugs and kisses and "I love you"'s.  It made a huge difference in our attitudes.

Last night the lady shared that she went home and hugged her husband after the meeting and gave him a kiss on his head.  She said that it made her feel good. She was learning that her pride kept her apart from her husband.  I suppose for me it was lack of trust that kept me from sharing my feelings. Sometimes it is okay to "fake it until I make it" to get those feelings back that have been so eroded by alcoholism.

So I have much to be grateful for as we celebrate our anniversary. It is Thanksgiving day too.  I hope that the day will be a good one for you no matter where you are or who you are with.


  1. I have found that no matter the issue- the more love poured on, the better things get. Happy anniversary, Syd!

  2. Happy Anniversary to you and your wife, Syd! So glad that your marriage has gotten stronger and better through the years.


  3. Happy Anniversary to both of you.

    As for me Syd, I figured out something a long time ago, "she can do better, I cannot." I think that is the key for a good marriage and a long marriage.

    May you celebrate many more.

  4. Happy Thanksgiving, Syd! This post was very timely for me as my husband and I have hit a particularly rocky point. What's different is that I am actively looking at my side of the street and trying to love more rather than be "right." I see how much I am still filled with rightous indignation and anger and how that has also eroded our marriage. We still love each other, though, and all I can do at this point is to continue my own recovery, no matter what happens. All the best to you on this day of gratitude.

  5. Congratulations regardless of the length of time Syd, to both you and C. No union is easy to maintain without the added pressures of a partner's own selfishness. Gah! i have a daughter going through that whole dry drunk with her husband now. I may be more sympathetic but he binges then promises are kept for a month or two...nothing I can do, 'cept be around if she crashed because of the lout.

  6. Happy Anniversary to you both. I love what you said about hugs and love. They work when nothing else does. Bless you Syd.

  7. I imangine I have given Celestine a few times where maybe she thought of asking me to leave her life,but thankfully she has found it in her heart to forgive all transgressions,she even stopped drinking when I did as a show of support,this comming March we will be Celebrating 36 years together, my family did not think it would last as well,But here we are.

  8. OOPS My Bad,I did not with you two great people a Happy Anniversary!!

  9. Happy anniversary to you both. You've earned happiness and joy in your relationship. I wish you many more beautiful years together.


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