Tuesday, February 20, 2007

First meeting on Step Four

I met with my sponsor last night to start my Step Four inventory. We went over a lot of resources including the AA Big Book, the AA 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, the Al-Anon 12 and 12, and the Al-Anon Blue Print for Progress. After looking over the latter, I see that there are many questions that will require a great deal of thought, honesty and courage. It's really ante up time for me. No BS and no spin--just straight talk and thought.

I'm still filled with a sense of well being after the meeting last night. For once, it seems that I am able to see how powerful it can be to put the focus on my self and not be caught up in the tension and fear about another. It feels like I am letting go more each day and not being blocked by thoughts of control. I also have this feeling of trust and love that makes me feel very calm. I pray that the feeling will continue.

After the step meeting, I went to the regular Al-Anon meeting where the topic was communication. That has never been an issue for me but the lack of good communication has just about ruined my marriage. I never wanted to go to bed angry or wake up without a kiss. Living with an alcoholic basically shot those fantasties down. I also wanted to talk through issues and not have them fester into resentments. My alcoholic is very passive though and would choose not to be straightforward. Instead, I would get the silent treatment or a non-committal statement except after a drunk when there would be a lot of remorse and contrition. Over the years, this got to be tiresome as I gave up on believing in the promises offered and lack of response to attempts at really communicating. Eventually, I got to the point that it didn't matter anymore. Now, we are learning to communicate more openly and in a true dialogue. I'm not sure how this will all play out in the long term but it is a step in the right direction.


  1. We never really ever know for sure how any thing will work in the long term Syd but you are so right about it being in the right direction both for each of you and as partners.I wish you well with that...the rewards can be something beautiful , over time.
    Thank you for sharing.

    I finally figured out who that profile picture is of..it has been bugging me ..Syd Barret of Pink Floyd right? lol..everyone has cool pics out here ..some change them just for kicks.I like my cupcakes and am sticking to them :P

    You keep taking good care :)

  2. Hey - be sure to call friends every night while you're doing your 4th. It's a pretty big step (I did it in treatment) and important that you get support. :)

    Sounds like you're doing all the right things!

    My blog: http://www.sobertoday.org


Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.