Monday, February 5, 2007

A hard day

Today was one of those days that I felt like running away from everything. Just cashing in on life and hitting the road to some nameless place. I was totally okay this morning but as the day wore on, tiredness set in and I went down the road of self pity. There's another acronym in Al-Anon that's called H.A.L.T and it means hungry, angry, lonely and tired. For sure, this afternoon I was tired and the loneliness had crept in as well. I had set myself up for some down thoughts. I had planned to go to a meeting but decided that I was just feeling too tired to make the drive.

When I start getting mired down in feeling sorry for myself, I generally end up in a bad place. I have some anxiety about depression because my mother suffered from it for years. I am hoping that I not only escaped the gene for alcoholism but also the one for depression. Generally, if I get a good night's sleep and focus on the present, I get myself out of the swamp and back where I need to be. I did go for a walk tonight and then sat outside for awhile looking up at the sky. I've heard that it's not good to spend too much time alone. For the past year, I've been largely alone even though there is another person in the house. That person is doing well in recovery so drinking isn't an issue right now. It's all the years that I wasted trying to make an insane situation rational. It simply can't be done.

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