Sunday, April 29, 2007
Getting those sex relations down
I started working on the sex relations part of the AA fourth step this morning. This is an interesting and somewhat painful part of the whole step for me. I've had my share of passionate moments and when putting it all down on paper, it made me realize that in lots of cases, I had very selfish motives.
I cared for several of the women that I was involved with but in some cases it was just to fulfill something in me that would make me feel better. I guess that I confused sex with love and was looking for a way to be close to someone. Sex is a wonderful thing, and I still think that it is the most pleasurable thing that the HP has given us.
This inventory has made me realize that my motives weren't always the best, but I've never been deliberately unkind to anyone. In some situations, I probably didn't extricate myself from a relationship in the best manner. I'm not going to beat myself up over any of this. This inventory has helped me realize that 1) I had more sexual relationships than I thought, 2) although selfishly driven in some and experimental in others, I think that there was compassion in addition to passion, and 3) I am glad to think about sex as something that is a wonderful gift from the HP. I've never despised or loathed it but have probably been driven by it in search of love.
"Every time a person imposes his instincts unreasonably upon others, unhappiness follows. If the pursuit of wealth tramples upon poeple who happento be inthe way, then anger, jealousy, and revenge are likely to be aroused. If sex runs riot, there is a similar uproar." Twelve and Twelve