Love and service

I put Dr. Bob's last message below because it seems appropriate for me at the moment. I'll keep the details to a minimum. I found out last night that someone that I've been helping in the program has lied to me. The lie was about his going to a meeting when he didn't. Not an earth shattering lie by any means or one that impacts my life. Yet, I must have had some expectations about the truth because I realized as soon as I found out about the lie that I felt resentment. I trusted that this individual was being straight with me. It's not about what the lie was because whether he goes to a meeting is up to him. I'm not the meeting police or his sponsor. However, I did feel angry that he had lied to me.

Maybe this isn't a big deal, and I'm making too much of it but what feels right to me is that I need to distance myself from this person. I find lying to be unacceptable. I feel as if I've been manipulated. I was trusting and wanted to give a hand to someone who seemed to want it. I know that I still want to help but am having a hard time with trust at the moment. I know that I have a choice to be with those who are healthy to be around and those who will drain me if I let them.

When I read the words that Dr.Bob spoke, I am confused. His words embody what I think these programs are about. Yet, I now see the danger for me in being too trusting. I also can see that I wanted to believe that I could help someone. So, it's back to Steps One and Four for me and in doing my inventory I found that my altruism was self-seeking because by helping someone else I could feel better about myself. Actually, today I feel glad that I did that inventory last night and immediately saw where I was wrong. I realize once again that I need to take care of myself and take my own inventory when things don't feel right. At this point I will quit the analysis and just yield to those of you who have more experience than I in these issues.

"Our 12 Steps, when simmered down to the last, resolve themselves into the words love and service. We understand what love is and we understand what service is. So let's bear those two things in mind.

Let us also remember to guard that erring member - the tongue, and if we must use it, let's use it with kindness and consideration and tolerance.

And one more thing; none of us would be here today if somebody hadn't taken time to explain things to us, to give us a little pat on the back, to take us to a meeting or two, to have done numerous little kind and thoughtful acts in our behalf. So let us never get the degree of smug complacency so that we're not willing to extend or attempt to, that help which has been so beneficial to us, to our less fortunate brothers."
Dr. Bob, delivered at the first international conference of Alcoholics Anonymous at Cleveland, Ohio in 1950