Wishing that I were else where today

You and me
Sittin' in the back of my memory
Like a honey bee
Buzzin' 'round a glass of sweet Chablis
Radio's on
Windows rolled up
And my mind's rolled down
Headlights shining
Like silver moons
Rollin' on the ground

We made love
In every way love can be made
And we made time
Look like time
Could never fade
Friday Night
We both made the guitar hum
Saturday made Sunday feel
Like it would never come

Gonna be a long Monday
Sittin' all alone on a mountain
By a river that has no end
Gonna be a long Monday
Stuck like the tick of a clock
That's come unwound - again

Soul to soul
Heart to heart
And cheek to cheek
Come on baby
Give me a kiss
That'll last all week

The thought of you leavin' again
Brings me down
The promise of
Your sweet love
Brings me around

It's gonna be a long Monday
Sittin' all alone on a mountain
By a river that has no end
It's gonna be a long Monday
Stuck like the tick of a clock
That's come unwound - again
And again

Lyrics by John Prine, Long Monday

It's a Monday for sure with all the Monday attitude as well. I'm looking out my window at the water and wishing that I were on it instead of having to get ready for a conference this week. I had an exhausting weekend both mentally and physically.

On Saturday I asked a friend to meet me in the afternoon to listen to a local band and look at some boats. This is a person with whom I've enjoyed a close friendship before going into the program. After finding out that I was going to Al-Anon and that my priorities were shifting, there has been much less comraderie between us. I feel a palpable distance now. At first, I thought maybe there was some judgment thrown in but decided that may be my projection.

What I decided to accept is that it isn't my problem. I've been honest and open about the home situation and made an effort to keep the friendship going. If it isn't going any further, then that's okay. I can't control that. I examined my feelings and think that whatever is going on is with the other person who appears none too happy at the moment and is obsessed with work. I'm in a different place which is where I need to be now.

On Sunday night, I went to an Al-Anon meeting and heard an anniversary story by one of the ladies in the group. She's had 13 years in the program and is doing well. Although I could identify with some of what she said, I felt that I needed to hear something different last night. I told my sponsor this morning that I probably needed the rougher edges of the AA group last night. Maybe because I was in a rough place myself or I just needed something to smack me in the face with a different dose of reality.

I got the uncomfortable feeling once again that this particular Al-Anon meeting is dominated by one person. Most of the people at this meeting are sponsored by the same person. I've voiced concerns about the controlling behavior before in blog posts and last night it was there again. I know from Step Four that I have a problem with controlling and being controlled. So I just listened and was thankful that the program has helped me to recognize how I used to control and how I need to be aware of that shortcoming. It still feels bad to me when I see control in action; however, I'm glad to be able to talk to my sponsor about it and let it go. I'm looking forward to more Step Four work tonight and my home group meeting afterwards.

I'm hoping a good workout at the gym during lunch will boost my energy for the afternoon work.