Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Throwing dishes

At last night's meeting, the topic was about how to let go of anger when there is a confrontation. One of the men shared that he doesn't accept having plates thrown at him anymore but generally is able to not buy into other verbal assaults from his wife who is an alcoholic.

I've experienced the plate throwing myself but at the time. I tried to calm things down only to find out that probably wasn't the best thing to do. When faced with unacceptable behavior, I have a choice to either "leave the field" of fight, try to reason, or get into the fray and try to out yell the other person. I've never been good at confrontations so I've generally tried to reason with the alcoholic which is a waste of energy and gets me no where. Now since being in Al-Anon I know that I don't have to be around such unacceptable behavior and can choose to leave. Even if I walk away for just a few minutes, it can help diffuse any anger that I'm feeling.

Treating others with compassion who are angry is something that requires use of the steps. As has been pointed out so many times, the steps are a way to live life and relying on help from our HP is a great help when times are difficult.


  1. The key for me is recognizing my own tendency to fight and squash that before i stick my foot in my mouth. The more i work my program the easier it is for me to see my defects BEFORE they become an issue

  2. ahhh yes..I still remember the sound of a dinner plate narrowly missing my head as it flew over me at a high speed from the hands of my drunken Dad out the kitchen window as I was getting away from his down our drive way one lovely Summers eve.
    All I say is I am grateful he was so drunk he was actually seeing double that time.

  3. We are so difficult to get along with. What unlovely creatures alcoholics can be.

  4. "Treating others with compassion who are angry is something that requires use of the steps."

    Amen to dat!

  5. Well, I've never broken a dish, but I have had a few broken over my head. I don't know what to do with angry people...I usually just keep my mouth shut, but when it's over....I feel tired inside, like it used up MY energy just watching.

  6. I have never thrown a plate, and only ever met one plate thrower. a drinking female friend in ireland. a bit of a bully as it happens. needless to say I dont stay iin touch with her. repressed or silent anger is just as bad though. but yeah. life is too short to have to deal with plate throwers. I'm not exactly fond of the door slammers either. I find anger VERY, VERY unattractive, in just about everybody really. clean anger is ok, but you dont see it very often.

  7. my sponsor always says "remember, you can't argue with a terrorist" Behind the angry alcoholic/addict is fear (terror)....best to take a step back and pray for clarity.

  8. We all have fears, whether we are alcoholic or not. I have never thrown anything, but I have had the urge to smash a few things over my brother's head. I said the urge,,,didn't follow through, unfortunately.

  9. 'Fight or Flight' Syndrome.

    I think way more sensible to take 'Flight' temporarily.

    Fighting just escalate more fighting.. and as you get older you realize what for??


Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.