Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Since coming into Al-Anon I've made some new friends. These aren't necessarily people that I hang out with all the time, but they are people with whom I can converse without any judgement or criticism. If I'm having any troubles, I can call them and likewise, they can call me. As the saying goes, we have each other's backs.
It's ironic how I've always wanted friends, yet did everything that I possibly could to push people away from me, all the while justifying this by saying that it didn't really matter. In reality, it mattered a great deal because I really didn't want to be the loner. I wanted to be liked but didn't know how to just let it happen. I either tried too hard or didn't try hard enough.
These days I'm more comfortable just being myself. I no longer want to put up a mask to the world about who I am. I'm seeing that I'm willing to dig deep within myself to get rid of all the mess that has festered for so long. I do believe that there are some people who are not capable of doing this without a lot of help. They may have therapists galore but until they understand that they aren't alone with their problems, I doubt many will be willing to go to the lengths necessary to present more than a superficial face to the world.
So I'm seeing that there are lots of real friends out there. They are the ones who still are around during the good, bad and ugly times. We don't have to go through a lot of posturing about who we are. We all share the same common problems and emotional issues. In short, we care about each other at a level that goes beyond superficiality.