I got a call this morning from a lady who was at the meeting last night. She told me there how much she liked what I had to say. This morning she reiterated that and said that I was an inspiration for her. I guess that I need to deal with compliments better because I get the "aw shucks" thing going in my head when it happens.
My sponsor has told me that telling my story is for me. And that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I expected lights and things to go off but in the end, it was a meeting in which I got to talk for most of it. I didn't see any visions or feel lighter. I was relieved but also cognizant of the fact that I have much more progress to make.
And I have to admit that I'm troubled by the fact that the dominatrix asked me how I became so smart in a year and if I wrote what I put together. What does that mean? When I replied yes, she rolled her eyes and looked at another person in the group. Is this middle school? I simply couldn't mention it on here yesterday as it was just too numbing to write about. It was a big diffuser for me--like the air was let out of a tire. I'm wondering what I will derive from being around someone who appears so controlling and such a fierce guardian of her power. I'm seeing that my lack of trust in her is building a resentment. It's something that I need to deal with.
Every day I hear outstanding things at meetings that I go to. Each person who shares says something worth while. Some express things better than others but if I really listen, the message is there. I don't feel envy or fear when I listen. Just gratitude and appreciation that this person had the courage to say what they had to say.
Maybe I'm just working too hard at my recovery. I've approached everything previously from a scholarly angle. This isn't a scholarly program but a spirtual one. I can not forget that.