Monday, August 6, 2007


I got a call this morning from a lady who was at the meeting last night. She told me there how much she liked what I had to say. This morning she reiterated that and said that I was an inspiration for her. I guess that I need to deal with compliments better because I get the "aw shucks" thing going in my head when it happens.

My sponsor has told me that telling my story is for me. And that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I expected lights and things to go off but in the end, it was a meeting in which I got to talk for most of it. I didn't see any visions or feel lighter. I was relieved but also cognizant of the fact that I have much more progress to make.

And I have to admit that I'm troubled by the fact that the dominatrix asked me how I became so smart in a year and if I wrote what I put together. What does that mean? When I replied yes, she rolled her eyes and looked at another person in the group. Is this middle school? I simply couldn't mention it on here yesterday as it was just too numbing to write about. It was a big diffuser for me--like the air was let out of a tire. I'm wondering what I will derive from being around someone who appears so controlling and such a fierce guardian of her power. I'm seeing that my lack of trust in her is building a resentment. It's something that I need to deal with.

Every day I hear outstanding things at meetings that I go to. Each person who shares says something worth while. Some express things better than others but if I really listen, the message is there. I don't feel envy or fear when I listen. Just gratitude and appreciation that this person had the courage to say what they had to say.

Maybe I'm just working too hard at my recovery. I've approached everything previously from a scholarly angle. This isn't a scholarly program but a spirtual one. I can not forget that.


  1. She sounds like a loon. Rather than try to figure them out, its MUCH easier to hang out with the sane ones.
    The only people whose opinions I have any faith in, are the people I look up to. All the others who 'do NOT have what I want', well I do not put any weight in their reasoning. Who cares what she thinks? You can prepare your talk ANY WAY YOU LIKE.

    Tradition 2:
    For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants, they do not govern.
    Doesn't say "except for the busybody al anon lady' does it? Well then!

    And you know what? This programme is both 'scholarly' AND intuitive.The Buddhist monastic path is VERY scholarly and VERY intuitive SIMULTANEOUSLY. See? Not as easy as you think. Basically, she's a control freak. Avoid her. And her ? Weird comments..
    Oh and by the way, you have a strong intuitive streak anyway, so nomatter how you prepare what you say, that aspect will be part of what you say. One can be VERY scholarly about the intuitive process, and VERY intuitive about the scholarly process. Nothing is that simple. Just do what makes sense to YOU. That's the main thing. Don't let her comments eat away at your confidence. Trust your instincts.
    I did a post called: Supposed 'Authorities' in AA: Don't be INTIMIDATED by them. Make your OWN mind up. ..Which pretty much sums up what I think about that kind of eye rolling nonsense..

  2. I find I have something to learn from everyone - even if it is that I don't want to be like them. And sometimes the person I judge to be a creep can turn around and save my life the next day, so you never know

    Sorry I missed your birthday. Happy Birthday. I am glad you are here.

  3. Well I'm glad you made it thru that. Don't forget that you are not the only one who can see thru her...even if everyone is not saying it out loud. It's hard enought to deal with difficult people out in the's much tougher to do within the fellowship. You'll work all this out...what a challange!

  4. Why doesn't someone say something to her? are they all so afraid of her?

    Don't most people write down what they are going to say before a speech?"
    That dominatrix/lady has a lot of issues to reckon with.

  5. I've found for me that when someone says something that stings I just need to take a look at it in me and the why it might have stung. Doesn't make them right and/or me wrong just that I might have missed something.

    But not everyone in the meetings has what I want, I don't have what everyone else wants.

    I see when I see, I get it when I get it. Its a process. But I do question why you gave her room in your head for a whole day.

  6. Happy Birthday to you, Syd. I wish I could have heard you speak.

    As to that dominatrix lady... what a bitch. She's obviously threatened by you in some way, shape or form. She is so not well. It's sad that she is someone who puts herself in front of the group as an example. She's the type that probably runs a lot of newcomers off with a bad taste in their mouth without a lot of people ever knowing it.

    I hope that someone who is quieter and likes to listen heard you speak on your anniversary. Your journey has been inspirational to me. Makes me wish my husband would attend Al-Anon once in awhile.

  7. Sometimes we are still sick people in the rooms of the fellowship just trying to get better. We learn from each other and those experiences that we sometimes play the rewind tape of are for us to learn and grow. The message seems to get to us better, more impactual.


Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.