Sunday, August 5, 2007

Al-Anon birthday

I had a nice day today. I celebrated my first year in Al-Anon in the evening and in the morning got to wake up after sunrise and go for a swim to the nearby beach. It was a hot day today but the morning was cool and the water felt great. I like to walk the beach naked. It's deserted early and if someone starts to show up in a boat, I can just get in the water and then swim to the sailboat. It's a nice way to start off the day. By this afternoon though, the breeze had died down and I motored back to the marina. It's was also very hot.

I went to the group where I attended my first Al-Anon meeting and shared my life story there. It was actually not hard at all, although I don't particularly like being the center of attention. One of my friends from another meeting came which was nice. My sponsor gave me my chip and a card signed by the other members of the group. I asked at the end that people talk about their defining moment for being in the program. I was surprised that so many people came over to say that they always get something out of what I share. That was kind of them.

Interestingly enough, the dominatrix asked for a copy of what I wrote and also asked me how I got so smart in one year. I told her that I was born that way and also worked at my program. I don't think that I'll provide a copy of what I wrote. I don't know why but I have a feeling that her asking for it doesn't have much to do with her thinking that it was good. Just a gut feeling that always seems to have an uncanny way of being right on.

On this day, which is all that I have, I am in a far better place than I was a year ago. Instead of being in anguish, I have joy and know that I have choices. Instead of apartness, I’ve made new friends. Instead of feeling empty, I have gratitude and a spiritual guide. Instead of anger, I feel a great deal of peace. Instead of fakery, I feel strong and able to be me. I'm so glad that I have a sponsor who has been a guide to me in this program. Someone who is genuinely good and who practices the steps in all affairs. That's a great accomplishment and a good goal to strive for.


  1. Happy Birthday Syd...what a miracle this past year has worked in your life. The closing paragraph of your post reads like a prayer answered. My heart is full of joy for you and gratitude for this amazing deal we call recovery. Much love to you my friend....

  2. Yeh im impressed by the naked beach thing, as it shows an ability to enjoy having a body and being in the world with it. The simple things are the only way to enjoy life. Nothing complicated. But then I come from a family background where there was a non specific climate of shame and embarrassment about the body, which generally didn't leave one feeling too good about having a body, but with no real clue as to how that came about!! Jeez. Anyway, that's a good thing. That's what I mean.
    You know, I'm really impressed at your ability to trust your intuition. That's very cool. I think I would find that request a bit odd too. Id be inclined to ask what she thought she would get from it. Then I would ask is there any particular thing that she would like me to explain, or anything that didn't make sense to her. Basically I would be curious to know WHY she asked that. It may very well be because she REALLY sees something in you she likes. Then again, she might be full of crap. Who knows.
    You know what though? Those slightly crazy, overbearing types, secretly LONG for a more relaxed way of being. Its only FEAR that keeps them cooped up in their rigid mind states. They think all HELL will break loose, if they 'deviate' from the ONLY path they know. Its VERY scary for them to do that. So they are always somewhat 'enchanted' by others who appear to have a 'freer' way of thinking. They envy it.
    So you never know. You might be reflecting another way of life to her that she will capitulate to at a later date. She would never be able to lose face in front of you though. She might do it when you both go to different meetings or something. Who knows.
    Oh yeah, and don't say they were 'kind'. That's your low self esteem talking. Perhaps you DO make people think, in a way that many others do not. Why not? Don't dismiss that idea on the basis that it might be ego feeding. If it is the truth. That's it. You cannot pretend otherwise. Knowing stuff like that about your ability to be useful is not ego feeding. It is just the way things are. That's all.
    Blah blah. Too long as usual. !! But I AM happy that you have turned so many corners in 365 days hard work. Good for you! It gets better too!
    For what its worth I think you have covered a LOT ! of ground in that short time, and managed to avoid some of the stinkier pitfalls that some 12 step types can EASILY fall into. Like your overbearing, opinionated, control freak pal!! Hahaaa. Yeh you can tell how much I dislike that attitude. Bleh!! Cant get far enough away from it! Yeah, you EXCEL in the 'loose garment' ideology. Which is very cool. Not many achieve that. That's what I've found. So that always impresses me.
    Sorry I KNOW its too long but I couldn't help it!! Happy Anniversary Syd!

  3. Congrats "Syd". You sound happy and content.

  4. {Tab still snickering that Syd walks the beach naked...}}

    Nudity aside.You have so much you have learned and a way of extending that to the world around you Syd..cyber or otherwise.

    I so appreciate all you share..
    Thanks for just being you!

  5. Congratulations on your anniversary:) I have to envy your deserted beach, I too love the naked thing. In South Africa I did it not long ago, just like the, innocence and pureness of it, me as I am, its so like really being at One with well... "the Spirit of the Universe" to coin a phrase. Its best when theres no-one.

  6. Happy 1st Al Anon birthday Syd! That is sooooo WONDERFUL! And what, how can you not like being the center of attention. lol.

    I truly appreciate hearing about your experiences as a family member of Al-Anon, you inspire me. I am grateful you have found some internal freedom and a beautiful family with others that are affected by this disease.


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