I was talking to a friend last night about his years in AA and how it all worked for him. He is one who was willing to go to any length to stay sober. He told me that when we come into a recovery program, we are like a diamond in the rough. There are lots of rough edges. After we go to enough meetings and rub up against enough people, those edges become smooth. And eventually if we stay at it enough, a beautifully cut stone is formed. I thought that this was a nice analogy.
I still have the rough edges. Some things have smoothed out for me. But there are others that remain. My response to criticism is one of the triggers that sets off bad stuff in my head. I know how to recognize it when it occurs but all too often it will sneak up on me when I'm least expecting it.
I've read a lot about reactions to vitriol from another person. Even though I don't act out or give sharp words back, I do something that is totally unproductive: I let the anger from the other person make me feel diminshed. Sometimes by letting the anger get into my system when it's projected by another, I can become indignant rather than just shrugging and letting it go.
My sponsor likes to say that "Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one." It's funny because when I first heard that I thought "Well, I guess that I need to remember that when the next asshole offers an opinion". What I really need to do is to see that I just may be rubbing against a person who has the rough edges still and that by doing so, maybe some of mine and that of the other person will be smoothed a bit.
You are so right about the beach Syd. And this post is great! Hope all is well.
ReplyDeleteoxox
JJ
I love the idea of us rubbing each others' rough edges off. Very sweet.
ReplyDeleteHmm. I kind of like natural beauty too. But too many rough edges can hurt. I like the analogy.
ReplyDeleteWell I am glad that you are open to the guidence of your sponsor. You are walking thru some internal struggles, that takes a lot of courage and you are not doing it alone.
ReplyDeleteI like that idea too Syd! actions and reactions, causes and conditions...
ReplyDeleteHope your evening is going well
just wanted to pop by and say hi and thank you for your support!
I like reading your posts, Syd, because you are always writing from your heart. Sometimes you sound so alone. I wish I could reach out and give you my hand in comfort. But what I always hear is how hard you work to achieve that serenity we, in this program, all want. Many times I lie in bed in the dark of night and wonder where this life of mine will take me. It has been a long journey. I look into the eyes that smile up at me from my little six year old and see that he loves me for who I am. He expects nothing more nothing less. It just is what it is. I wonder if that is how life really is but we can not see it? Anyway, I always get so much encouragement from your posts. You are an angel in my life. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI love the analogy, thanks for that
ReplyDeleteI can relate to the diminishing
Hi Syd. I just stumbled across your blog and I already love it.
ReplyDeleteI always thought it was, "Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one AND THEY ALL STINK!"
Either way, it's a great saying.
Hang in there, and thanks for sharing.