Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Defining love

Lately I've been thinking about what love is-- real, lasting love. I looked up some definitions on this. One of these says that love is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another's goodness. One way to think about this is that what we value most in ourselves, we value most in others. Apparently by focusing on the good in another person, you'll be able to feel love.

And once you love, it's important to be giving. Giving means that you care and can demonstrate active concern for the other person's life and growth. The second way of giving is to be responsible and respond to the emotional needs of another. The third way is respect which means seeing the uniqueness of a person and wanting them to grow and be fulfilled. But in order to care for, respond to, and respect another you have to really know the other person.

One of the things that's hard to take is when someone mistreats you while telling you that they love you. But love isn't about words, it's about deeds and is a behavior. To me that means that you not only have to say "I love you" but you have to show it.

11 comments:

  1. Hey hows it going? Cool site! could u check out mine and if you like it could you vote on the blogger choice awards site, there is a link on my site!
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  2. hey! what you wrote is so meaningful! and i gotta agree whole-heartedly with you. you can say you love someone over and over again, but if your actions don't show it, it means nothing.

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  3. Nice post syd.
    i have come to believe that love is how you treat another. not a feeling. Because you can feel strongly about another and treat them like s*it. see 'who's afraid of Virginia woolf" film with liz taylor. so no its not feeling. its how far you are prepared to go for another human being. whether you are willing to go to any lengths to do the next right thing. or not. because you care deeply for them. it is the action that is impressive. the test of the ones commitment. requires great moral courage. most people prefer to delude themselves and carry on with habitual social rituals which confirm the existence of their 'love'. such as cards ? or tokens of some sort. the real thing is much more ? real. it requires no customs or rituals to prove its existence. it is evident in the unflinching commitment to the next right thing. whatever that is. i dare say it is impossible to explain with any justice. oh well.
    I'm glad you're mulling this stuff over. its good to reappraise the habitual way we view things.

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  4. Anyone can tell you they love you. It is how they show you that matters the most. Of course that is just one opinion here. I rather be shown than told but it is also very important to reaffirm with those three simple little words, "I love you". What a powerful emotion.

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  5. Happy Thursday Syd. Deep posting :)

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  6. Actions speak louder than words! Remember that the words "I love you" means NOTHING if that person does not respect you, or does not actually show in his or her actions that he or she wants whats best for you.

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  7. Those 3 words are overly used and abused. Words are a dime a dozen...true love is in how you treat a person...with love, respect and kindness. They say we teach others how to treat us. Demand respect.

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  8. I am presently reading 'The Art of Loving' by Eric Fromm. One of the things it says is love is wanting the higher good, whether you're together or not, for the other person. I posted about a relationship I was in, that didn't turn out, & I was devastated, but I came out of it learning alot about myself. And I learned that Yes, I was capable of loving deeply. I am grateful to that person today. If I never love again, I am grateful I have experienced true love. No, it's not just a feeling, it's so much more, it's a spiritual thing too. Can't explain it. Maybe I will post about this book I'm reading. Good subject to write about, thank you.

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  9. This is beautiful and articulate Syd and something I have been thinking so much about lately. Thank you for sharing it.

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  10. This post gives me much to mull over. Thank you, Syd.

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  11. L*o*V*e......is NOT enough.

    I like what a male friend once said to me a few years back..

    You have to have Trust and Respect and Love. (not just LOVE).
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    He also said the MORE you LOVE yourself the MORE you can LOVE others..

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    Lastly he said to ask yourself how you feel when you are with this other person???

    I like the way he described having LOVE and an EMOTIONAL Healthy Loving Relationship.

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