Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Ninth month and ninth step

Tonight's meeting is about Step Nine, which is what I'm approaching. I've written down the people that I'm willing to make amends to. Some are people that are no longer alive, such as my parents. My sponsor suggests that writing a letter to them would be good. Others are people to whom I will make amends over the next several months. I didn't put any "maybes" or "not evers" on my list. But perhaps when it comes to a few people on the list, I need to make certain that I am spiritually and emotionally ready to make those amends.

This is definitely an action step and one that requires that the groundwork laid in the previous eight steps is firm. I think that this step requires faith and that the HP will be guiding me as I make the amends. It isn't a "go it alone" process. It is a process for me in which I take care of what I have done and the harms that I have caused. It's about me, not about the other person. It's also about not having any animosity to others or to myself when I make the amends.

This step is about change. It's how I've changed and grown in my program and how in making an amends, I won't be repeating the same offense over and over. It's not an apology but a statement of my wrongs. The outcome is in the hands of my HP. In changing, I need to be accepting of others and how they will react when I make the amends. Some people may not be ready to accept an amends from me. I have to be willing to accept that decision and let it go. I think that when the time comes, I will be able to let go because I will have done the best that I could to sincerely right the wrongs that I've done.


  1. good luck with step 9. that sounds like a hard one!!!

  2. I have never participated in a AA program, but I do feel like I have worked trough step nine on my own. It took me many years (more than I wanted) to get to the point where I feel ok about myself (but still with occasional relapses) and about other people.
    I think a lot is about accepting the world as it is, accepting that people are not perfect, accepting that YOU are not perfect, and thinking that everything is still ok.
    It is a hard one, especially for a person that has not gotten this selfesteem from a good upbringing, but I feel it is important to keep on challenging yourself to do better and better, and soon you have changed your thoughtpatterns.
    Sorry about my ramblings... :)

  3. Stay close to your sponsor and your higher power and incredible things will come to pass. But on our own, step nine can turn into a pride-fest that boomerangs on us and tears us to shreds.

  4. I've always regarded this step as a really difficult one. I think you have the right of it about your perspective on what it means. I think I've tried to make a lot of amends for things that were not even my responsibility. The accepting change and letting the past go is the part I have not been able to achieve.

    I hope this goes well for you.

  5. the promises really start coming true after the ninth!


Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.