Sunday, September 2, 2007

Staying in the day

After writing such an upbeat post following the happy time on Friday evening, I didn't have it in me to write anything on Saturday. On Saturday morning, my wife was back in depression, feeling fearful, anxious and generally unhappy. It's always been an up and down thing with her mood so it isn't anything that I haven't experienced many times. I guess that the marked change from Friday night to Saturday was what was hard.

She had gotten up at 3 AM and sat and thought about us, where we had been and where we are going. I know and you know that isn't where anyone needs to be. I want to stay in the now, right here on this day and at this moment. So, she wanted to be left alone and didn't want me around.

I left and went to Compass Rose (yep, changed the name to this final one) and sailed her out in the Harbor and moored behind an island where I like to go. I called a couple of times to say "Hello" and give updates but didn't get much in the way of an upbeat response. So I let that go. I've decided that she has to come to the realization that she can be miserable and stuck or move forward to enjoy the day that she is in. I can't do anymore for her. I love her and care about her but she has to figure this out for herself, along with help from her sponsor and her HP.

I had a not very restful night with 15-20 knot winds from the NE and pouring rain. It was okay because my anchor held and I had a good book to read. I left the mooring around noon and got home to find my wife happier and not as anxious. I am grateful that because of the program, I could detach and leave without trying to fix anything. I could be on the boat without feeling anxious or unhappy and I could come home and not be resentful. This is a great program and it really works if you work it. Every day is a different day.


  1. Good morning, Syd! This recent blog-posting is very reassuring. It points out - to me - that you are 'where you are supposed to be' and that 'self' is a safe place to keep the focus within. It's so very ironic - - - that the AA program is showing the alcoholic how to get OUT of self, and the Al-Anon program is showing the caretaker how to get back INTO self! I have found this to be the key to my own serenity - minding my own business - and allowing others the dignity of making their own choices - right or wrong. As long as my brain, heart, conscience are 'in sync' with my Higher Power and He is in control, I can find the necessary peace and comfort I so desperately yearned (or yearn) for. Love and luck to you and enjoy your boat - whatever name you decide to call it! That boat has apparently become a 'safe haven' for you; glad to know you have a secure place to detach yourself into. Happy Holiday! Anonymous #1

  2. I think one of the happiest days in recovery, is when we truly "get it" that we can not change another person. It's so freeing.

  3. Hey Syd, i just wondered, is she doing the steps ? with sponsor ?

    Am glad you have your boat though, sounds calming :)

  4. Us women and our moods have a lot to answer for. if its any consolation we have no clue why they come and go either. and in keeping with the books by john grey, there is NOTHING !! we hate more than a SOLUTION when we are in mid-whinge. heheh.
    Ah you poor blokes..
    Well I still think you are doing a grand old job of dealing with this.
    We paddle and god steers. the outcome is none of our buisness. we just have to do our lousy best to do the nest right thing, and just see how it pans out.

  5. I am soooooo jealous of you being able to spend you night anchored behind your favorite island, reading a good book.


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