The topic in today's meeting was letting go of past hurts. I used to be really stuck in the past but over the past several months, I've come to realize how the steps have helped me to let things go. It started with Step Four when I wrote out my resentments and fears and looked at how I contributed to those things in my dealings with people, many of whom were from my past.
It got better when I did Step Five with my sponsor. It was a relief just to discuss my life and the way I've felt with someone else. And now with Step Nine, I'm seeing that it's possible to feel unchained from all the stuff that dragged me down. That's not to say that sometimes my mind doesn't go back to the old way of thinking, it's just that I'm able to get myself back to where I need to be through recognizing what I'm feeling. It seems that I'm able to look at what I've done and think of it as a part of my life history, both the good and the bad, that has formed who I am. What I can be rid of is the guilt, the resentment, the self-pity that used to bury me in the past. I think that working the steps has provided the best way for me to let go of the past and just focus on this moment and this day.
"I wanted to forget the past, but it refused to forget me; it waited for sleep, then cornered me." Margaret Atwood