Of all the people in my life, I think that you had the greatest influence on me. You were such a fun-loving person and one who was always interested in intellectual pursuits. I can still remember the summers collecting from the fields and ponds so that I could bring back specimens to look at under my microscope. I developed a great love of books from you and I know that my love for science came from spending my summers learning natural history of the area. Although your interests were in history which I never developed a real passion about, all that you talked to me about was assimilated and comes up in conversations today.
I never forgot all the things that you were involved in as the years went by. I believe that the depression that started around 1980 was one of the hardest things for me to understand. I didn’t know how to deal with the disease even though I tried to read as much about it as I could. I had sensed for a while some sadness in you, but I wish now that I had talked to you about it. I hope that you will forgive me for being too busy and too involved with my own life to be there when Dad got sick.
Because I belong to a great program that teaches me about myself in a spiritual way, I can see now many of the things that I did to hurt you. I was often impatient, irritable, disrespectful, and harsh to you. I cannot undo the past but I can tell you that if I could redo the past I would. The only thing that I can do is to ask your forgiveness for my not understanding you and not helping you when you needed me. I know that I did what I thought was right to keep you comfortable. It was my irritation as you aged that I am so sorry for.
I love you and miss you to this day. It is very hard when I think about watching the last years as you grew tinier. Yet, you still had that wonderful spark in your eye. I know that there were times when I diminished that spark through my actions and harsh words. I hope that you will forgive me for that.
Whenever I see an elderly person who needs assistance or who is being cared for by their child, I say a prayer and hope for the well-being of the parent and the child. I will be elderly sooner than later and will hope for loving hands to touch mine as I move towards the end of my life. I know now that it is important to have a kind word to say, a smile and a hand to hold. In my amends to you, I can say that I practice compassion towards all those who are in need of kindness. That is how I’ve changed in my life and how I will continue to change through the help of my Higher Power.
Know that I love you and miss you every day,Syd