I've missed one of my friends in the fellowship for 3 weeks now. This person is a member of my home group and someone whose company I enjoy. He had a lady friend move in about three weeks ago and since that time, I haven't seen or heard much from him.
Tonight at the meeting, he shared that he asked the lady to move out. She's in another program, has limited to no money, and has started to fall behind in the sharing of expenses. The whole situation has apparently not been idyllic. So, after an argument yesterday, they decided to split up.
It's ironic that when I was around them, I thought that their relationship was great. They seemed focused on each other, kind to each other, and genuinely content. My friend shared tonight that wasn't the case.
I'm sorry that things didn't work out but I'm glad to see him back at meetings and that he's relieved about the situation. It's easy to get involved with others and lose track of ourselves.
Well, that seems pretty fast to see the error of their situation. That's got to be a good sign. I used to let things drag on for years knowing they we wrong. I admire people who can cut their loses and go home.
ReplyDeleteit's amazing sometimes how apprearances and reality differ. how what we see is not the case. then again, maybe only in hindsight, could that person see that things were not as they actually were either...
ReplyDeleteYou really don't know what goes on in a Relationship.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he stopped going to meeting; and felt he was losing CONTROL having someone live with him.
Al-Anon members (such as myself) can be controlling because we did not have control as a child. WE can push others away once they get too close; because we sabotage ourselves; afraid to get hurt again by another human.
Or we over exaggerate another person's flaws....we want to be CLOSE (but other close relationships have hurt us before)..
Or maybe he felt she really was unreliable and he was going to get CODIE again (we are too reliable and too dependable and allows people from other programs to form unhealthy relationships again (that whole codie/addict coupling).
Really did he NOT know she had limited money; finances should be talked about and learned how others deal with their money situation. I met a man the other summer with so much debt that I ended it after 7 weeks. I felt that was a real character defect; and he was immature too.
Something does not add up....also why stop his meetings for 3 weeks....?? He had a right to himself to keep going; no one can interfere with one's own recovery unless we allow it.