Maybe it's just the fact that I'm back at work after a great weekend. Or maybe it's that today is my dad's birthday and some sadness that he is no longer here. And then it could be that I learned this morning that one of my favorite employees has decided to take another position that is a step up (who can blame her?). At any rate, I'm struggling to stay focused on my gratitude and not slip into feeling down and out.
I am grateful for having a wonderful weekend that I shared with the person I love. I'm grateful for all the birthdays that I spent with my father before he died. And I'm grateful for having had a great employee for 7 years who has been an asset not only to my department but to the agency as a whole.
I guess that I like the certitude in things. I don't like to think about losses or endings. I've never liked to change houses, change jobs, or do any of the many other things that involve ending something and moving onto something else. I must be a creature of habit. Or I must have fears that stem from losing someone or something. I know the latter is true because of my Fourth and Fifth Steps. The truth is I miss people when they leave.
I do have an AA and Al-Anon Christmas party to go to tonight. It should be good. I'm just doing my best to think gratitude and not sorrow.