Yesterday was the day of love. I think that everyday should be about love. Love for myself, love for others, for my HP and all that good stuff that keeps the species ticking along. My Valentine's Day was a nice one. A good dinner, some nice cards, some gifts to each other, and a good relaxed feeling. It's the relaxed feeling that I've come to realize is the lasting feeling.
I remember when love was all anxiety and hot stuff. It was a rocket ride that occurred in my body and mind. If I think back to my first kiss or first sexual experience, it sets off a bit of anxiety in my head.
Do you remember your first kiss? I do and it was something that felt like fireworks. It was at my 17th birthday party. The buildup was nerve wracking but the result was pure pleasure. Yes, it was awkward and over too soon but it created a craving that is hard to describe.
I think what happens after we become secure and content with the other person, is that the desire is still there but the ability to sustain such a heightened state of excitement dwindles. I still like the kick of endorphins and the excitement of that first kiss. But I think that the ability to relax with each other and appreciate intimacy is also powerful. Sex is just one part of intimacy. Just like the burning fuse is one part of the whole fireworks explosion.
Hope that you have a relaxing weekend.
Contentment is an underrated feeling.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in rehab, there was a woman who was a victim of incest who had a hard time in relationships without danger and excitement. She had to learn that her unhappiness was also tied to the need for all that adrenaline.
I've been feeling a lot of contentment lately, and it does not feel at all like boredom.
Glad you had a good Valentine's Day. Enjoy your weekend!
Okay, when were you in C'ville?? I also co-owned Martha's Cafe on the Corner and Miller's on the Downtown Mall. And did lots of other stuff. I had no idea you were at U.Va. And you are, in my ancient opinion, so right about sex and love.
ReplyDeletecool. glad you had a good day.
ReplyDeleteHaving control freak tendencies, I love excitement as it seems to me to be the polar opposite of the comfort zone of control freakery. But yes perhaps not 24/7!! too exhausting!
:) happy weekend
ReplyDeleteyou have a good weekend too!!!
ReplyDeleteCULT OF NECROPHILIA
ReplyDeleteby Devin Sexson
Alcoholics Anonymous is a "cult of necrophilia." I am not saying here that there is some kind of bizarre sexual ritual involving dead bodies in AA meetings. What this means is that there is a fascination with death. The cult revolves around death. I remember when I went to AA I would here the common statement, something to the effect of, "I felt terrible earlier today, then I went to a meeting and now I feel just great!"
I wondered why I never felt great after a meeting. Meetings usually had no effect on me but often I found them down right creepy. Why? Because I am not a necrophiliac, I don't get off on sitting around talking about how we will die of alcoholism if we don't ingest this religious crap.
But the creepiness goes a little deeper than that. In order for the cult to function some members must die from alcoholism. Those members who "cannot or will not" resign themselves to the religio-fascist structure of the cult can only be of value to the cult if they are:
1. Constantly relapsing.
2. Dead.
Consider these examples:
All of us in A.A. know the tremendous happiness that is in our sobriety, but there are also tragedies. My sponsor, Jackie, was one of these. He brought in many of our original members, yet he himself could not make it and died of alcoholism.
-- The Big Book, 3rd Edition, page 239.
After being dry two weeks and sticking close to Jackie, all of a sudden I found I had become the sponsor of my sponsor, for he was suddenly taken drunk. I was startled to learn that he had only been off the booze for a month or so himself when he brought me the message!
-- The Big Book, 3rd Edition, page 245.
The Boston group provided us with a fresh wonder and a big heartbreak, too. Its founder could never get sober himself and he finally died of alcoholism. Paddy was just too sick to make it. Slip followed slip, but he came back each time to carry A.A.'s message, at which he was amazingly successful. Time after time the group nursed him back to life. Then came the last bender, and that was it. This very sick man left behind him a great group and a triple-A rating for valor. His first two successes, Bert C. and Jennie B., carry on to this day.
-- Alcoholics Anonymous Comes Of Age, William G. Wilson, page 96.
AA was already established in South Africa when Marty arrived, with a ready pool of interested and willing citizens. It had been started in that country by a relapsing alcoholic, "Johnny Appleseed." He was a gifted businessman and highly successful proponent of AA, but he could not stay sober. Regardless, wherever he traveled and got drunk and sobered up, he left literature about AA.
-- A Biography of Mrs. Marty Mann: The First Lady of Alcoholics Anonymous, Sally Brown and David R. Brown, page 224.
What is wrong with this picture? Why are these men sacrificing their own lives for the good of the cult? These are clear, unmistakable examples of how the cult values conversion more than sobriety, and more than the life and well-being of the individual.
I, MICKY, AM THE HOLY ONE OF GOD
there's something about that intense love right in the beginning in a relationship, the excitement, the 'drive'. but there's just as much to that feeling of knowing that person intimately and deeply later on in the relationship.
ReplyDeleteglad to hear you had a good valentine's!
I received this thought today from Hazeldon and thought of your post..
ReplyDeleteSeparateness
Moving into wise and spiritual adulthood...
At our worst we may be alert to what we want from our partner but blind to what our own role requires. No doubt we can always find accurate criticisms of our mate. In all lasting relationships we will find the weaknesses and the unattractive sides of even the finest people. Finding them in our partner means little when our hope is for a good and successful partnership.
We each walk an individual path. No one else can take our footsteps. No one but us can live our unique life stories. That is the hard truth that adults have to face and children do not. The joys and pleasures of adult intimacy grow when we know our separateness. We will always yearn for a past childhood or for an unfulfilled dream enveloped in the generous care of loving parents with no stress and no demands. But as adults we live in an insecure world, and no partner can ever create that security for us. We move into wise and spiritual adulthood when we expect imperfection around us and develop a core of inner peace.