It's Monday all right. And St. Patrick's Day. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. Finally, after the cat pounced in the middle of my back and the dog's cold nose nuzzled me, I got up.
I was up way too late last night for someone who has to get to work early. And I wasn't drinking anything green either. My wife and I went out to dinner at a nice restaurant. It was a pleasant time. She seemed to be in a good mood and to enjoy talking. As we were riding down our long lane, I told her that I was going to put my cell phone on forward to the home number just in case a sponsee called.
The words were no sooner out of my mouth, when a sponsee called to talk about having a rough time at a meeting last night. He has admitted that he is riddled with fear. And he is having a hard time with some other personal aspects of his life that haven't been entirely accepted by his family or maybe even himself.
He needed to talk and I listened. I think that he is finally beginning to admit that he might not have all the answers and that humility needs to come in to the picture. He is scarily bright but is realizing that to recover from effects of alcoholism, he must be willing to drop the masks of academia that he's hidden behind for a while.
Being a sponsor has been a new experience for me. And I must say, it has it's moments when I wonder if the words coming out of my mouth are making him or me feel better. And whether I'm just flying by the seat of my pants.
After a bit, I finally said to him, "Where are you sitting?"
Him: "On the bed."
Me: "Take a look at your feet."
Him: "Yeah, I see them."
Me: "Are they attached to your legs?"
Him: "Yep."
Me: "How about your hands? Still attached to your arms?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Is your heart still beating?"
Him: "Yeah."
Me: "Good. Now put your feet up on the bed, cross your hands across your chest and listen to your heart beating. Focus on that. You're still alive after telling me what your fear was after the meeting. You're okay and haven't disappeared."
Him: "I feel fairly relaxed now."
Me: "Good. I'm going to get into the same position over here. And I'm going to listen to my heart beating and my breath going in and out. I expect that after I do that for about 10 minutes I'll be asleep."
Him: "Sounds good. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
Whew. It almost put me to sleep writing that. I'd better get back to work and wake up. Have a good St. Patrick's Day.
"it has it's moments when I wonder if the words coming out of my mouth are making him or me feel better. And whether I'm just flying by the seat of my pants."
ReplyDeletei can relate to that!
i learnt it by just DOING it. its interesting as it feels like you say. intuitive and 'blind' sometimes. plus what i say is stuff that makes ME feel MUCH better too. like an affirmation or something. i become a better person when i am doing it and i carry that 'better person' back with me to MY life. i think sponsoring is GREAT when you do it in the right spirit.
sounds like you have sussed out where this guy is coming from and where his weak spots are already. cool. anyay have a good monday!
I, too, went through the frustration of not being able to transmit enough wisdom through experience, strength, and hope to help a newcomer/sponsee. My own sponsor suggested to me - don't stop - sometimes the 50th time it is said is when it will be heard! Sounds to me like you've made a great breakthrough with this sponsee. I remember in my early recovery days saying to my own sponsor, 'why didn't you tell me that before?' - - - The reply was I was told that information at least a dozen times. It just had to be God's schedule for the person to 'hear.'
ReplyDeleteKeep on keeping on . . .
Anonymous #1
Sounds like you got him through a tough night. Good for both of you.
ReplyDeleteYou're too much.
ReplyDeleteGood on ya.
you're a good sponsor!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe simple things ALWAYS work...the program is funny like that..don't ya think???
ReplyDeleteHe needed to talk and I listened. I think that he is finally beginning to admit that he might not have all the answers and that humility needs to come in to the picture. He is scarily bright but is realizing that to recover from effects of alcoholism, he must be willing to drop the masks of academia that he's hidden behind for a while,
ReplyDeleteDon't you love when that part happens? I'm currently working with someone [in A.A.] who talks too much and it's frustrating. She is a nurse and was *sent* to A.A. though I am confident she really loves it now. :)
That ego though. I have seen two types of people come into A.A. and Al-Anon with hardly ever a middle ground: The ones who come in and have *NO* answers and the ones who come in knowing everything already.
I $h1t you not; A sponsee [for all of 5 seconds ] said the following in an A.A. meeting - complete with leaning back in her chair and right elbow hunched over the back of the chair, "I've been here for 5 days and I still consider myself a newcomer."
She would threaten suicide and get to the hospital where a doctor would give her the drugs she was seeking less than 48 hours later.
Like my sponsor says, "Gain humility or get humiliated."
~Samsara
Living within Samsara
I almost fell asleep reading it! Nice thought process though and not bad feet for a guy:)
ReplyDeleteI must say those directions are brilliant!
ReplyDeleteThat is a great relaxation technique. I can relate to helping him helps me. Yup! Its hard to give advice when you're not taking it. Its a wonderful thing this program:)
ReplyDelete