Thursday, April 3, 2008

Aware of Ego

One of the topics that I've been reading about and that has come up in a recent meeting was how ego can keep us focused on our pain. Here are some things that I've read about being ego-centered:

  • Ego-centered people don't love themselves. They become ego-centered to overcompensate for the fact that they don't love themselves.
  • Ego does nothing for anyone else without expecting something in return. Ego-centered people are constantly striving for the next achievement or the next pay-off so they can feel self-important. The reality is that they are not "self" important.
  • Ego-centered people may actually dislike themselves and are very busy being ego-centered in order to hide their true feelings of self-hatred.

The opposite of being ego centered is being spirit-centered. We no longer Edge God Out. Instead, I become more grounded in the present and live with the trust in my HP. It essentially comes when I have my head and my heart in alignment. I'm not relying on my HP when I use my mind to project fear disguised as bravado and confidence. Instead I'm trying to control people, places and things because I have no trust that anything will go well unless I exert control. When the ego is in charge, I have a fear of loss that results from false thinking that if I don't control my universe and everything in it, then I will lose those things that are dear to me.

In order to trust, I have to listen to what I feel in my heart. If I no longer am run by my ego, then I become more open to all kinds of opportunities for growth and can begin to experience love, joy, and serenity.

If I can come to recognize when my ego is controlling me, then I can choose to let go of it. For me, Step 10 is an ego buster. I become aware of when my ego is in charge and I admit when I'm wrong. I examine what I am doing, acknowledge that I am acting out of fear, pride or the other many ways that ego manifests, and then try to get my head and heart in alignment.

This isn't easy for me because I have used the ego and it's products of fear and control for a long time. It's really a hard and sometimes scary process. I've always trusted my mind to figure things out and not listened to my heart because my intellect overpowered it. Now through this program, I'm learning to feel rather than let thinking run everything. By doing so, I am no longer separating myself from others or from my HP.

"Most of the so-called bad things that happen in people's lives are due to unconsciousness.....they are self created, or rather ego-created...."drama". When you are fully conscious, drama does not come into your life anymore....the basic ego patterns are designed to combat it's own deep seated fear and sense of lack. They are resistance, control, power, greed, defence, and attack. Some of the ego's strategies are extremely clever, yet they never truly solve any of it's problems, simply because the ego is the problem itself." (The Power of the NOW by Eckhart Tolle p150)


  1. That reminds me of something I used to hear a lot in "the rooms". That alcoholics are ego-maniacs with an inferiority complex.

  2. I really like this post. I don't know if it was quite an ego issue or not, but I was really bothered by someone this week, and I did what I've learned to do: stop and ask myself what was going on with me that caused me to be disturbed. I talked about it with my therapist too, and -voila- the agitation went down. I do think it was a bit of my ego running amok, where I wanted to go on and on about how the other person was wrong. But in the end, what I needed to know was what it was rubbing wrong in me and why - not fix the other person and prove I was right.

  3. very good! definetly something I need to think about also...I feel a way too big of a need to be "in control"....

  4. is ego part of the lymbic brain system i wonder? sounds like it. all that me, me, me stuff. this was an interesting read, thanx.

  5. That is powerful stuff, I reckon I am still controlled a lot by ego, I like to secretly think people like me and stuff, even though I pretend Im not bothered, I am aware of a lot of my defects but that doesnt stop me acting on them.
    I guess I have lots to learn yet, I love reading your powerful posts it makes me think about how I am

  6. I have to keep all that ego stuff in check constantly. My life performs better when I am spiritually fit and have some handle on humility. Thanks for this revealing post.

    If I want to recognize my ego I just sit for meditation. Because the ego so desperately wants to be in control it will not let my mind be quiet. It wants to constantly shout "Look at me!" It will eventually quiet down, but it takes a while.

  7. i don't hear much talk about ego in my home group - wish there were more. i love me some eckhart ya know.

    i like how you said i trust myself when i trust my feelings (or something like that! sorry if i bungled it) BUT u are right.. i'm learning to listen to my feelings more b/c i don't trust my thinking lately. maybe i can trust it more after a few more steps :) i'm approaching step 4.

    syd - have a great weekend! u sounding really good :) take care of u.

  8. I should copy & paste this post and send to my ex-husband. The man is totally ego-centered.

  9. I should copy & paste this post and send to my ex-husband. The man is totally ego-centered.


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