One of the topics that I've been reading about and that has come up in a recent meeting was how ego can keep us focused on our pain. Here are some things that I've read about being ego-centered:
- Ego-centered people don't love themselves. They become ego-centered to overcompensate for the fact that they don't love themselves.
- Ego does nothing for anyone else without expecting something in return. Ego-centered people are constantly striving for the next achievement or the next pay-off so they can feel self-important. The reality is that they are not "self" important.
- Ego-centered people may actually dislike themselves and are very busy being ego-centered in order to hide their true feelings of self-hatred.
The opposite of being ego centered is being spirit-centered. We no longer Edge God Out. Instead, I become more grounded in the present and live with the trust in my HP. It essentially comes when I have my head and my heart in alignment. I'm not relying on my HP when I use my mind to project fear disguised as bravado and confidence. Instead I'm trying to control people, places and things because I have no trust that anything will go well unless I exert control. When the ego is in charge, I have a fear of loss that results from false thinking that if I don't control my universe and everything in it, then I will lose those things that are dear to me.
In order to trust, I have to listen to what I feel in my heart. If I no longer am run by my ego, then I become more open to all kinds of opportunities for growth and can begin to experience love, joy, and serenity.
If I can come to recognize when my ego is controlling me, then I can choose to let go of it. For me, Step 10 is an ego buster. I become aware of when my ego is in charge and I admit when I'm wrong. I examine what I am doing, acknowledge that I am acting out of fear, pride or the other many ways that ego manifests, and then try to get my head and heart in alignment.
This isn't easy for me because I have used the ego and it's products of fear and control for a long time. It's really a hard and sometimes scary process. I've always trusted my mind to figure things out and not listened to my heart because my intellect overpowered it. Now through this program, I'm learning to feel rather than let thinking run everything. By doing so, I am no longer separating myself from others or from my HP.