Friday, April 4, 2008

Friends through amends

Yesterday afternoon I received a call from the first person I made an amends to. The story of our friendship isn't remarkable. We had a lot of good times together and then egos got in the way of things.

I had mentored him on a project. In subsequent years, he began his own work. And when he asked for my opinion on something that he was doing, I gave it. He didn't like the answer and let me know it. I harbored a resentment about what was said and basically dropped communication for a couple of years.

So when I made the amends, he said that he had missed the friendship and the fun times that we had. So yesterday, he called to ask me to meet him for dinner since he was in town on business. We got together and had a lot of laughs. It was great to be able to talk about what we are doing now and what plans we each have. He is continuing on with his business, and I'm planning to retire in a couple of years. It was a nice few hours spent in comraderie.

It's great how this program works: to put aside bad feelings and step up to a resolution of our differences. And by doing the amends, a different bond is made and a new knowledge is gained.

"We must be willing to make amends to all the people we have harmed. We must do the best we can to repair the damage done in the past. When we make amends, when we say: 'I'm sorry,' the person is sure at least to be impressed by our sincere desire to set right the wrong. Sometimes people we are making amends to admit their own faults, so feuds of long standing melt away. Our most ruthless creditors will sometimes surprise us. In general, we must be willing to do the right thing, no matter what the consequences may be for us." --Twenty-four Hours a Day


  1. Hi Syd,

    Your blog reminded me of my own experience in learning to 'agree to disagree!' Very freeing experience.

    Nice to see you getting to know yourself, too. I'm impressed, and grateful for your honesty.

    Anonymous #1

  2. Hi Syd,

    I truly embrace that you still check up on me. Thank you.

    Rock on about working your program and gaining some freedom from old sickening stuff that happened in your past. I so need to know this, you are proof this thing works (al-non & aa).

    Have a gr8 friday!

  3. Yes! I made amends to someone dear to me just last week and it felt so good. I have no idea why I hadn't sought her out and done it before--I guess no matter how long you've been sober, you can always get sober-er. Have a lovely weekend, Syd. Charlottesville, by the way, is all abloom--the way it gets in April. When were you there?

  4. Did you ever eat at a restaurant on Elliewood Avenue called Martha's Cafe????

  5. true friends tend to come back. sometimes eventually. the best thing about them is being able to agree to disagree. i know this wasn't the case with your friend, just something i thought to reading your post.

  6. You will be amazed before you are halfway thru...

    restored relationships, what a blessing!


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