Friday, April 18, 2008

Communicating

I received a call from a sponsee last night telling me that he didn't think that we communicated very well. He has decided to not have me as a sponsor. This took me by surprise because we have only met three times. But I told him that was fine and wished him well with continuing in the program.

I had to inventory myself after the conversation because my ego felt bruised. I knew what was happening in my head and realized after giving it some thought that this wasn't about me. I also realized that sometimes people simply don't mesh, even if I was clueless to the not meshing part.

I did point out to him that it's important to find someone with whom he feels comfortable because the sponsor-sponsee relationship is one of give and take, listen and learn, and above all trust.

Later in the evening there were panicked calls from another sponsee who is breaking up with a girlfriend. I listened and shared what I could identify with. The final call came at 1:15 in the morning which I didn't answer, knowing that my boundary was no calls after 11 PM.

These individuals have been my first sponsees. I'm learning that sponsorship makes me aware of how important it is for me to practice acceptance and detachment as well as other principles of the program.

I'm okay with it all today. I realize from having the luck to have B. as my sponsor that none of us will ever be perfect. He has shown me that we are only human and inspired by our HP to be supportive, compassionate, and a listener with experience to share.

I'm just glad that it's Friday. And that I can do some work on the boat this weekend while the racing regattas are going on. The Harbor is filled right now with colorful spinnakers on boats that are tacking back and forth. It's hard for me to concentrate on work instead of looking out the big picture window that overlooks the boats moving past.

Happy Friday to each of you.

13 comments:

  1. Sponsoring people is one of the most difficult tasks I have ever faced... and also one of the most rewarding. It is tough when things don't work out. Thank God you have the ability to care.

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  2. Thanks for sharing your experience.

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  3. Wow, Syd, I am being naive again. I am so surprised that people would call you so late and that it has happened more than once.

    It would be tough for me not to overrelate because I am just not there yet. That is definitely a test. Sponsoring someone and trying to work Alanon are almost like oil and water, aren't they?

    The fact that you can be a sponsor shows how far you've come in your recovery.

    Enjoy the water....and thank you for your support again.

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  4. Oh I really do appreciate you sharing this Syd.We could all use a little reminder that there are some people that we just don't mesh with.It's not to be taken perosonal..Thanks for sharing.

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  5. yeah, it's simply impossible to get along with everyone! as in with some people you click, with some you don't.

    you enjoy your weekend sailing... here the clouds are coming over again. what is it? monday - friday it's beautiful, sunny, warm. come the weekend it get cloudy and cold... but i'm going to enjoy that too!

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  6. really? You have boundaries about phone calls?

    I've been fired many times and they always point the finger at me for what they don't want to do.

    I can't help 'em, I can't hurt 'em. I can only share my E,S,and H.

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  7. really? You have boundaries about phone calls?

    I've been fired many times and they always point the finger at me for what they don't want to do.

    I can't help 'em, I can't hurt 'em. I can only share my E,S,and H.

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  8. I tell ya what. I would much rather be fired, than have to be the one doing it.
    enjoy your saturday popeye

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  9. Boundaries are important or else you will find yourself drained both emotionally and physically. I guess this is just one more of those experiences we learn from.

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  10. It is people like you that make the world go around (in a better way). You sound like you have a lot of wisdom. One in that you don't take this stuff personally and two that you turn it into a learning experience. thanks for taking the time to share.

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  11. You show a lot of wisdom in your response. Cudos. (Did my first response not go through?) Technology, gotta love it...

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  12. Boundries are an issue for me. But I have gotten so much better. I am okay with respecting others boundries but not so good at erecting my own and if I hook up with someone of the former then I am in a lot of trouble. I fear sponserhip. And I know I am not ready, though people have already started to ask me. And me with no firm boundry needs to beware of feeling obligated to help. I often have a problem with saying no. I need to work with my sponser on this issue. Thanks for being such a good role model. Your sponsees are lucky ot have you whether they fire you or not.

    I like how you have focused on recovery as opposed to your story (or in my case drunkalogues). I find that we need to share a little for identification but in many ways what's behind our stories are so similar there is no need to go too deep with the details. It's the message that needs to get out.

    Hope you had a great weekend on the boat.

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  13. I've never had a time boundary for calls in NA. And I have only, in 24 years, ever got a late night call. I'm so glad I picked up the phone. She is still one of my best friends. I was her sponsor when she came in and I had 4 months clean.After awhile we got it right. What puppies we were then. Thank you for sharing my friend.

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Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.