Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Tradition Four

I like the Traditions because I see them as a way to not only have a functioning group but functionality in my personal life. Tradition Four speaks to autonomy as a group and autonomy in our personal lives.

For me, the hardest part of this tradition is maintaining autonomy in a personal relationship. I have to work at keeping the focus on myself. I like the idea of people working together in unity but also maintaining their own interests. Coming from an alcoholic marriage, I could often want too much "togetherness" and that is confining and unhealthy.

Autonomy doesn’t mean you don’t need the other person, but it means that I don't give up who I am to be in the relationship. I can maintain my goals, desires, and dreams but also respect and support the goals, desires, and dreams of another and allow them to be who they are, not who I want them to be. I think that this makes a healthy relationship.

In Al-Anon meetings, it's important that each group not be a carbon copy of the other. I like individuality with the groups. In some birthdays are celebrated, in others there are speaker meetings. What I think makes Al-Anon special is the way that we can each express our thoughts without fear of criticism, interruption or gossip. We can in short be ourselves within Al-Anon.


  1. So many people give up who they are when they marry....maybe thats why the marriage never works.

  2. If only more people in the world could be more autonomous. I feel the world would be a better place. I've learned a lot about me and my wives autonomy by reading her Big Book.


  3. I like the way we are all autonomous and in unity atthe same time, for our primary purpose.

    I like that I try and fit myself to be of maximum helpfulness, kind of in unity with the what surround me, as opposed to not fitting in and working alone. alone can be productive, but it all seems to work more efficiently as a team, whether that team be few, group, work, British Isles, Human race etc

    thanks for your recent comments, much appreciated :)

  4. Autonomy - one can take it too far me thinks... me does.

  5. I never thought I had a problem with this but now realize that I do. When my husband is happy, I am happy. When he is down, I am down. I will be working on this issue along with my connection with my son in Alanon. I need it more than I originally realized.

  6. not losing yourself in a relationship. that's the important thing. yet so easy to do. it's all about keeping that boundary between sharing yourself and still being your own person. nice post this!

  7. Hi Syd!
    Have a wonderful day, mi amigo.

  8. It is so easy to give up who we are. Why do you think that is? You hear and see it all the time. I gave up myself in my first marriage and we were miserable. Life is so much better when you take back what is yours. Great post, Syd.

  9. The traditions, I may read them out or hear them read out every meeting but I dont ever think about them like I do the steps, but you have just enlightened me on that one syd.
    It makes sence we are each unique but our product is greater than our individual selves but we must not lose ourselves in the process.
    Thanks for that

  10. Your closing paragraph is the same as what was discussed last night in our group.
    It's great to go to a meeting and be ourselves fearing no criticism.
    Knowing that when you share no-one will use that against you.

    Al-anon has helped me so much.


Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.