Wednesday, July 9, 2008


Trust is sometimes a big issue for most of us. I've heard lots of sharings from people who tried over and over to trust people who were untrustworthy. They wanted to believe the lies and promises about not drinking. Their denial and naivete kept them from the realization that people frequently are going to fail us, lie to us, abandon us, and not be trustworthy.

I've usually been naive in trusting others, preferring to believe what I was told. I think some part of me was trusting that others would make me feel okay about myself, that they would make it right for me. That was dysfunctional thinking.

I've eventually come to realize that trust is something that is earned and has to be mutual. Even in Al-Anon, there are people who I know that I can trust and then there are those who I don't reveal much to. People do the best that they can, but because they are human, they have their failings. If they could do better, they would.

Ultimately, it is trusting in the process of recovery, trusting in my Higher Power, and trusting in my sponsor that have proved solid. I know that by trusting the process of working the steps, I can recover. I no longer have to control, obsess, or be filled with fear.

I know that by trusting in my Higher Power, I'll find my way. I've learned to trust that things will be revealed to me in God's time, not mine.

And I know that working with my sponsor has been an example of trust on my part. Revealing things about myself that I've never told another, as part of Step Five, is an act of trust.

All of this has helped to rebuild my trust in myself and through that to open myself up to a renewed trust in others. I would say that I'm not trusting others to solve my problems but am trusting that there is some goodness within them. This means that I accept the possibility of disappointment, and grasp the good that loving another person gives me.


  1. I am much more trusting in others, too much so, than I am in myself. That is coming.. and I am learning to use discretion in trusting others now. I need to draw a line between honesty and trust. I can be honest without naively sharing all and without building a wall. I'm getting there. It all comes from placing trust in our Higher Power. We intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

  2. I have the opposite problem. I do not trust and I know this has been my defense mechanism to avoid hurt. "If I do not let you in then you can't hurt me". I do not remember the last time, I was able to fully trust another person. This is a sad state of affairs in which has prevented me from having a lot of close relationships in my life.I am aware of it and I am working on it. The thing is when you lose trust it is so hard to get it back.I have decided to do another 4th step to get in touch with my feelings.

  3. I think you are right in saying that trust can be earned. In the beginning of knowing someone I will usually trust them until they give me a reason otherwise. Once that line is crossed though, they have to earn my trust back.

  4. I appreciate this post on trust... whew I myself have been working on trust issues, so this hit home today. thanks Syd have a good day

  5. I love to trust people but I am invariably let down, I rather have a few close friends now than a whole mass of near friends.
    Trust in hp comes and it goes, its hard to keep it there.
    Yes major problems in the UK with the so called "Credit Crunch" and the price of fuel, it looks like our site will be okay

  6. I usually trust everyone and am always shocked when it bites me. I assume that everyone is following the same "code" that I am. Why aren't they?
    I like your idea that they are doing the best they can. It's so hard for me to wrap my mind around that concept.

  7. I like this post - it reminds me I need to be more open and willing to trust others.

  8. Hmm, I wish I handled disappointment a little better than I do. I am a pretty trusting person though.

  9. I have been thinking a lot about trust lately, thanks fo sharing this!


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