Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Trust is sometimes a big issue for most of us. I've heard lots of sharings from people who tried over and over to trust people who were untrustworthy. They wanted to believe the lies and promises about not drinking. Their denial and naivete kept them from the realization that people frequently are going to fail us, lie to us, abandon us, and not be trustworthy.
I've usually been naive in trusting others, preferring to believe what I was told. I think some part of me was trusting that others would make me feel okay about myself, that they would make it right for me. That was dysfunctional thinking.
I've eventually come to realize that trust is something that is earned and has to be mutual. Even in Al-Anon, there are people who I know that I can trust and then there are those who I don't reveal much to. People do the best that they can, but because they are human, they have their failings. If they could do better, they would.
Ultimately, it is trusting in the process of recovery, trusting in my Higher Power, and trusting in my sponsor that have proved solid. I know that by trusting the process of working the steps, I can recover. I no longer have to control, obsess, or be filled with fear.
I know that by trusting in my Higher Power, I'll find my way. I've learned to trust that things will be revealed to me in God's time, not mine.
And I know that working with my sponsor has been an example of trust on my part. Revealing things about myself that I've never told another, as part of Step Five, is an act of trust.
All of this has helped to rebuild my trust in myself and through that to open myself up to a renewed trust in others. I would say that I'm not trusting others to solve my problems but am trusting that there is some goodness within them. This means that I accept the possibility of disappointment, and grasp the good that loving another person gives me.