Saturday, August 23, 2008

Science facts?


Just some funny stuff for your Saturday morning. These were written by kids on their science tests . I'm adding in a photo of your favorite science nerd as well--actually this might be one of those photos of your neighborhood pedophile. Pretty scary I think. Have a great weekend.
    Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

    When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

    H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

    To collect fumes of sulphur, hold down a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

    When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

    Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.

    Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

    Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

    The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.

    Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

    Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

    A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

    Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

    Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

    Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

    Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.

    Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

    Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

    For a nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.

    For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make Artificial Perspiration.

    For Fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.

    For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

    For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

    To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.

    For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

    To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow.

    The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

    The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

    The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

    The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

    A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

    Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

    Litre: A nest of young puppies.

    Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

10 comments:

  1. Classic stuff. Thanks for some good morning laughs.

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  2. "We are not a glum lot." LOT? LOTTA WHAT? And, the same page 132..."We abslutely insist on enjoying life."

    Syd, you gave me a dose of what I needed this morning. Don't often feel glum, but maybe today?

    And I have every thing for which to be grateful--even friends who respond to stupid, lengthy Emails.

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  3. Those poor kids. Wonder if any grew up to practicing physicians.

    Thanks for the laugh!

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  4. omg I laughed out loud!
    THANKS!!!

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  5. You know, alot of these sound perfectly logical to me! Scary! :o)

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  6. that's the best! kids do have a wonderful imagination. oh, and i had to pass on the germination = german one to my folks over yonder.

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  7. Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

    Well, at least they got that one correct!

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