Saturday, September 27, 2008


I didn't go out in the boat today but decided to do some maintenance work. After a slow start this morning due to staying up way too late to watch the debate and commentary afterward, I made it down to the boat in the early afternoon.

I used a rubbing compound on the deck that promptly turned brown from the sun. No matter what I tried the deck was a bad burnt sienna color. No chemical compound I had would take it off. So I went to the hardware store and got some Scotch Brite pads and used elbow grease to get rid of the rubbing compound. Read the directions, Syd! Don't apply rubbing compound in hot sun.

While I was elbow greasing the deck, I thought about the conversation I had this morning with my wife. She is leaving tomorrow for a trip out of town. I hate to see her go. But it's her turn to go away for a bit and enjoy some cooler weather in Nantucket. I'm staying behind with the dogs and cats.

We talked about how she needs a break from being around the house. She has enjoyed retirement, but I know that somedays she gets bored. We talked about how we used to have people over but now that she is sober, there haven't been any parties here. We have some friends from our respective fellowships over for dinner once in a while. She asked why we tried to make everything so nice if it was just us. I found this question to be profoundly sad. And the only answer I had was that it's for our enjoyment and not to display for anyone else. She said, "Oh, I understand now." I love her dearly and hope that she knows that it's not the parties that matter but that the two of us enjoy what our surroundings are.

I'm going to miss her. But I know that she'll be back and that's what matters.


  1. Ah, maintenance keeps us healthy.

  2. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" but in casino world we would add "for someone else". But I know that's not true in your case. I am glad that I have an Al-Anon sponsor that is in a relationship. I think it shows me hope that it can be done. I don't get it but maybe someday I will.

  3. Syd, this post makes me smile. I'm the one in the relationship that thinks we fix up the house "for other people" & my husband is the one that thinks we do it "for us."

    I don't know how that opposite attracts works, but it does.

  4. I think you've got the right idea about having nice surroundings for yourself rather than for other people. Our homes should primarily be a place of comfort and refuge for those who live there.
    One of the fruits of recovery is eventually feeling "good enough" to deserve the great things that come our a comfortable home. This is, of course, easier said than done. We can always fall back into the "not good enough" all too easily.
    It is a credit to your marriage that you can each get away individually and then come back together again.

  5. Let Go, Let God beat me to it. My thoughts exactly.

  6. Hey Syd, i don't know what kind of boat you have, but S uses Magic Eraser on his boat and it works amazingly well. They're made by Mr. Clean.
    Enjoy your alone time as well.

  7. I'm so glad you were able to help your wife understand making your surroundings nice for the two of you is worthwhile. Believing that about my own life was (and still often is) a hurdle for me. For me, it was learning the difference between selfish and self-interest. Self-interest is a positive thing, being kind to yourself and treating yourself as you would others is a big step up in the self esteem department.

    My husband is going out of town to Florida for the beginning of this week. I'll probably be baking pizza and salads too and missing him.


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