Tuesday, September 16, 2008

On the edge

I have felt on edge recently. A lot of my edginess started with hurricane prep around here. I worked in a cave while the shutters were up. That started the edginess.

There was the hype about Hannah and then there was the reality of Ike. I watched the news coming in from a station in Texas like I was transfixed. It felt like watching a train wreck--I wanted to look away but couldn't.

Then there is my edginess over the political process and the bad economic news that keeps coming in waves: Freddy Mac, Fannie May, banks folding, jobs folding, the market dropping, gas prices rising, etc. It's like another train wreck, only it's one that I see about to happen with no way to stop it.

There's talk and more talk about candidates. I know how I'm voting, and I know what the issues are that I care about. This election has me on edge though because there seems to be a great deal at stake. And I'm not convinced that the majority of the people who are of voting age understand how important this election is. Or that they care enough to make up their own mind by being informed.

And I've been on edge over some unfinished business with some people in my life. My wife had a bad day yesterday. She told me that she was having a bad day. I told her that I loved her which was all I could do. And someone in my home group broke my wife's anonymity but is unaware that this is a serious thing. I'm hoping that discussions on anonymity and gossip last night may have gotten through.

I've got a meeting tonight. And I've read Steve's message today on Serenity. (Thanks Steve). I've asked God to walk with me this day. This feeling of edginess will pass. It's a bump in the road that reminds me to get my focus back on myself and to accept the things I cannot change.


  1. Your writing today is so close to my heart. Reminding us about anonymity and following guidelines are paramount to success in these "safe places" when they suddenly don't feel so safe.

    Love your truthfulness.

  2. This does not sound like "my" Syd. Hope the meeting tonight helps.

  3. I wish you peace today - being on edge feels bad. Cat

  4. The way I describe it for myself, that edginess, is when my nerves fell like they are on the outside of my skin. OOOOwwwww!
    It really hurts.
    I do believe, though, that what they say is true - - a problem shared (by post or whatever) is a problem cut in half.
    Hope by this time tomorrow that your edginess will be cut in half so many times that there is nothing left of it.

  5. Sometimes this edginess can presage a growth for us - a sudden shift in thinking, a slight tilt of focus, a movement towards serenity in an area we've never managed to deal with before.
    I learned in Al-Anon to embrace my uncomfortable feelings instead of fight them - try relaxing into the edginess, instead of struggling with it - you could be surprised at what might arise in your internal dialogue.

  6. I felt on edge for a long time when i started to grasp how completely uncertain and impermanent EVERYTHING is. Was like a low lying fog for ? year or so when i started meditation and retreats. Now I have acclimatized to uncertainty better. but yeah, now is a time when uncertainty is very evident in outward circumstances. I suppose I have accepted that there is a great deal of unconsciousness out there and that the outcome may leave a bad taste in my mouth. but i feel a strange sense of peace about it all at the same time.
    this edginess may be a healthy sign of the reality of uncertainty really filtering into your bones. it may not be a bad thing, even though it feels uncomfortable.
    we are in for a testing time, but we just have to keep the faith and try to keep it together. be present with whatever shows up. Munindo calls it "Here and now, body-mind judgment-free, awareness."

  7. How uncanny. You just wrote exactly what I've been feeling for a couple of days now and on many of the same subjects. Unease. As we both know this too shall pass. Hopefully sooner than later.

  8. I am new to your blog. Maybe the edginess is a feeling which comes before a change. I am not in any sort of recovery....I just suffer from a mood disorder but I have felt that feeling before. It does suck to feel that way but sometimes it makes me focus on some things that need attention. I hope you feel better soon.

  9. Saying an extra prayer for you and your wife tonight.

  10. hey! you'll get through this too. edginess is unpleasant!

  11. Hope you feel better soon Syd, yes its all over the media here in the UK about your banks all going bankrupt, another one now Leon Bros or something.
    Some people really enjoy dressing up in ladies clothes, I might like it as well, cant tell till I try it though.
    Fell in love again at ASDA checkout.

  12. I have been experiencing edginess lately too and have seen in manifested in my AA groups in various ways.
    It is unpleasant and uneasy to feel this way but I frankly think that if you are NOT CONCERNED about the US at this moment you aren't PAYING ATTENTION. I know...I know...many of these things that we have no control over so I guess we need to focus on what we CAN DO and do it. Some kind of action (no matter how small) helps ease the edginess. And as others have said sometimes you just need to lean into the edginess and move through it.

  13. today i was reminded of my personal faith - there is a word that is special to me (why would be tmi) but it says "i want to know christ and the power of his resurrection..."

    to know power that makes me come alive is crucial for me.
    this world does appear to be an "unstoppable train wreck"; finding peace in that storm is quite a challenge -

  14. Sorry to hear this, Syd. This too shall pass. I am friends with a lawyer in town who found out I was going to Alanon and was interested to come. She was very hesitant though because she had gone to the very same meeting I go to years ago and her anonymity was also broken.

  15. I think the whole country is on edge


Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.