Saturday, October 11, 2008

Hell explained


The following is an actual question given on a chemistry mid term.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

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I'm not sure that I believe the above but it makes for some humor on this Saturday morning. I'm off to the boat and my slice of heaven. Nope, Teresa won't be on board.

14 comments:

  1. oh i love this too. have a wonderful day on the waters...

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  2. I've been to hell..and back.

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  3. Reminds me of an old saying heard in the Big Rooms and Little Rooms. Religion is for those who don't want to go to hell...Spirituality is for those who have already been there.

    luv ya syd,

    Kim

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  4. Good grief, Syd!

    I dunno what I was expecting with this blog, but it was fascinatingingly cute, especially when I was relieved to get to the last heavenly sentence! Sure glad you found some heaven, there. Love Kim's 'take' - - - I heard a variation on the same theme: I'm know I'm not going to hell; I've already been there, too! Love to ya'll! Anonymous #1

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  5. Where do people come up with this stuff. Love it.

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  6. I've seen that before, very funny. Stay dry on the boat.

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  7. Hilarious! So witty. Who knows if it is true, but it very well may be! My neighbor is a professor at a college here and he has seem some of this type of stuff.

    HELL, he has something crazy like this on his door at work! ;-)

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  8. I have been to Hell. It's on the west coast of Norway.

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  9. hahahaha!! great story, i love those plays on words... thanks!

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  10. Hope you had a great weekend on the boat.

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  11. Even if no one put it on an exam, it's damn clever.

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  12. If Teresa was a member of Al-Anon, and she had a problem with the term/word "God," would she have shouted, "Oh my Higher Power!"?

    And, if she had been here before (was not a virgin), would she just shorten it to, "Oh my HP!"?

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Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.