Monday, December 29, 2008
I read on Gabriella Moonlight's blog that on Christmas Eve Liquid Illuzion (Suzanne Horne) committed suicide. She had posted comments on my site, having found a link via Shadow. I read more about her by going to Cliff's blog.
When I read her obituary I was smacked in the face by the fact that this wasn't just a person who wrote on the computer. This was a real person who was having a lot of difficulty and who continued to wish people Merry Christmas on the very evening that she decided to end her own life. I felt profound sadness that she thought there was no other way to work through whatever was bothering her.
Even though Suzanne was not a person that I knew, I felt as others have expressed that perhaps there was something that could have been written to her that would have sparked a bit of hope in her heart. And I felt guilty for having written about Christmas traditions and my happiness when another was obviously suffering so, even though I know in my head that is irrelevant to what happened.
I understand Suzanne's sadness, having contemplated several times during my darkest hours that life was hardly worth living. Now I see that there is so much to live for. And I realize that I am not alone because my Higher Power is there with me even during the dark times. I wish that Suzanne had known that there is a way to get through a day, an hour, 15 minutes. I'm sorry that she gave up before the miracle happened in her life.