Friday, March 20, 2009

Steps to a new life


I found the following in some papers that I had from a meeting and thought that it was really a good summary of the Twelve Steps.

It feels good (First Step) to get honest about yourself, to admit to yourself what has been objectively totally obvious for a long time to anyone and everyone but yourself: that your life is unmanageable and you have been affected by someone else's drinking. Yes, it feels better to finally acknowledge that, rather than to keep on pretending otherwise.

And then (Second Step) it feels good, by fiat and out thin air, to start telling yourself that by reaching out and asking for help and by availing yourself of resources (call them powers, or even a Higher Power if you will) outside of yourself, you might actually get to the point where you have a decent life and stop hating who you are and learn to appreciate being alive.

And then, what the hell, it feels pretty darn good to (Third Step, and the one that few of us truly figure out how to do) abandon all your fears and worries, and for no good reason simply begin to trust that everything is going to be alright because that is the total opposite of what you’ve been doing for as long as you can remember and look where that got you. So you search inside yourself for some basis of feeling that things are going to be OK, and you begin to let go of your chronic and acute anxiety. You learn to trust. And to that end, you fashion some conception, any conception, of a "Higher Power" you can trust in and seek guidance from (which for purposes of convenience and because ultimately it feels silly to do otherwise you end up calling "God").

Getting back to that honesty thing again, even though it is enormously frightening and difficult to do so, it ultimately feels truly fantastic to (in the Fourth and Fifth Steps) take a long hard look at what you are as a human being, and to identify the many aspects of your personality and mentality that have played a causative role in producing so much of your unhappiness, and seeing how you could begin to respond to the situations you find yourself in in a different way, a way that is consistent with taking responsibility for who you are and how you are going to experience life, and to go through all this with another person.

And then (in the Sixth and Seventh Steps) there’s humility, and recognizing that as much as you want and need to change and grow out of and away from the very unhealthy propensities of personality you’ve identified, you’re never going to be able to completely do so and certainly not on the basis of your own individual resources.

Followed by (in the Eighth and Ninth Steps) facing up to the harm you’ve caused others, and acknowledging those wrongs to the people you’ve harmed.

And then (Tenth, Eleventh and Twelfth Steps) maintaining that honesty, hope, trust, responsibility, humility, and reliance on a "power" other than yourself while seeking to be helpful, kind, loving and tolerant of others for the rest of your life.

14 comments:

  1. Like I've always said, sounds like a good way to live life whether or not you've been affected by a drinker or not. Welcome back. Glad you had a safe trip.

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  2. These words leapt out at me: "stop hating who you are and learn to appreciate being alive". If I learn either to embrace either one of these concepts by the time I die that will be a triumph. But one day at a time... Great post, stay well.

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  3. this is an amazing summary. easy to read, to understand, to do...

    happy weekend syd!

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  4. Yes, it does feel truly fantastic to take a hard look at who you are. Geez, I only wish I had done it 20 years ago.

    Have a great week end, Matey..arrggg

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  5. "[S]top hating who you are and learn to appreciate being alive" hit me too. Good synopsis.

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  6. Thanks Syd. I needed that this morning.

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  7. Do you feel like a more advanced, fulfilled human being from doing the steps? I'm not being sarcastic, it's just that they seem to me a path to personal development as much as freedom... am I right?

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  8. A design for living.
    Enjoy your weekend.

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  9. Good morning, Syd.

    Glad you're home safe once again. The blog-post you made today is very meaningful to me, especially the portion about the 3rd step: (here's the extract: Third Step, and the one that few of us truly figure out how to do) abandon all your fears and worries, and for no good reason simply begin to trust that everything is going to be alright because that is the total opposite of what you’ve been doing for as long as you can remember and look where that got you.) After doing a searching, fearless, and moral inventory of my difficulties in the past few months - - - I needed to hear once again the power of honesty and trust - - - and you have provided this for me this morning. I will make a concerted effort now that I am aware of my 'latest' insane obsession - to trust in that Higher Power who has pushed me through many experiences over these years.

    Thank you also, for reminding me once again, to LISTEN to others' sharings - - - from these I glean help!

    Have a glorious spring day!
    Hugs, Anonymous #1

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  10. *sigh*
    the third one trips me up EVERY TIME!

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  11. Good post, I loved that "acute and chronic anxiety" - what a perfect way to describe the state of mind in which I lived pre-program.
    The last paragraph was powerful, in its simple clarity as a statement about a way of life we can have, if we so choose.

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  12. I also liked the "chronic and acute anxiety" reference. I still have to remind myself that it's OK to feel decent and calm. And like cedrorum said, it always seems to me like anybody would benefit from the 12 steps.

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  13. This is so good -- I printed it out and put it at the front of my BB. Such clear plain-speaking.

    Thanks again

    Mary LA

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  14. I'm new to Al-Anon and struggling. I WANT what it can deliver. I've seen the peace and serenity the 12 steps have brought to my husband and quite frankly didn't think it was fair that he was the one who got them, after all he's put me and our children through. So I see the results of working the steps. But I struggle so with the reality of doing that. Of giving up the blame game and letting go of the fears. Of learning to trust again. It was his actions -- rendered out of his addiction -- that shattered my trust over and over and over again. Somedays it just seems like too much.

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Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.