Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Broken Hearts


"God breaks the heart again and again and again until it stays open." Hazrat Inayat Khan

I remember the aching heart that I had from breaking up with my first love. It felt as if my heart was being wrenched from me. We were young but the feelings were no less intense.

I think that my heart broke again when my parents died. I was now an orphan with no one standing between me and my own death. I thought at the time that there was no one left who would love me unconditionally.

My heart broke once again when I knew finally that my wife was an alcoholic. When she and I were having so many difficulties, it felt as if nails were being pounded into my heart.

Each time I tried to close up the wound that had been opened. I wanted to somehow put back together the broken pieces of myself. Yet, I knew that I had been changed in my viewpoint, that I no longer really felt free to be as open to others.

I've found that closing myself off and trying to wall away others only makes me more broken. The lesson I've learned is to be open to what comes my way. It may be more heart break, it may be infinite joy and wonderment. It's by opening up to experience those things that I fear most, that I can truly find who I am and celebrate that.

24 comments:

  1. wow, eerily timely Syd. Funny how that works...

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  2. That lost love stuff can be more painful than anything. We are not prepared for pain like that.

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  3. Last night, after a week of heart break with my alcoholic husband, I came to the decision that I could either close my heart to EVERYONE and avoid pain, or keep it open to love and accept the risk. I decided a life without love is not living at all. Then this morning I stumbled upon this post. Thank you.

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  4. I love the quote, Syd, thanks for posting it. My heart is still very tender. It helps to hear your experiences. Im glad your heart is healing

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  5. That is a wonderful quote and so unexpected. I read a few of your posts to your mother and one made me cry. I think it was a birthday post and you said I still love you Elizabeth. It made me think about lost loves of all sorts. I hope you have a good day.

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  6. That sounds like a good way to move forward.

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  7. It takes a lot of bravery to risk the pain of being hurt again.

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  8. That last paragraph did it for me, Syd. In fact, that shall become my "Paragraph-of-the-day".

    Thank you for all of it!

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  9. Nice life lesson today Syd and one that I definitely need to work on.

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  10. Thanks Syd, a great reminder for me today.

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  11. I hold it true, whate'er befall;
    I feel it, when I sorrow most;
    'Tis better to have loved and lost
    Than never to have loved at all.

    From Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850

    Thanx for your post

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  12. Good stuff Syd. The quote is perfect...

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  13. you've touched my heart. this is precicely what i should be doing. opening up my heart...

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  14. um. yeah, I need to work on those walls too...cause it's like a fortress around my heart and I don't know if it will ever lower the gate for someone to come in again...but I know I need to for my own healing. YIKES, it almost makes me hyperventilate just thinking about it. *door slams shut again*

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  15. That first heartbreak from real love. That still has echoes in me today. Have I learnt from it?? I don't know.

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  16. Syd,
    I think you are very wise and a terrific writer. I checked out your blog when I saw you posting over at Shane's site.

    I will keep reading. I wish you the best of everything.

    We are all struggling. Life is a struggle, eh? I guess we're here to learn.

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  17. I find if I leave my heart open and also open my mind for a new experience, heart break turns into an opportunity to grow exponentially spiritually.

    I never realized how closing myself off not only rendered heartbreak inside of me, but moved me to break others along with me, or try anyway, and how much collateral damage I did as well.

    Thanks Syd, I always learn and grow in your posts!

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  18. "I've found that closing myself off and trying to wall away others only makes me more broken."

    I used to think my life made me unfixable, broken beyond measure. Yet, I kept myself open for the pain time after time. Our lives don't get molded, refined by being hidden from others. Time, love and pain all those ingredients mold us into the people we are today.

    Realizing that...I wouldn't have it any other way. (Hugs)Indigo

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  19. Thank you Syd, for a great quote and post.

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  20. I am happy for you, that you can put yourself out there for the gain or pain. I truly cannot. Not yet. That is one of my biggest fears, I don't do hurt well. I guess its a process, and I am not there yet. Nice to know there is hope though.

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  21. Oh Syd, for me love=pain. I'm just OK with that today.

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Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.