Friday, May 22, 2009

Will I ever recover?

I don't know that I'll ever "recover" from the effects of alcoholism. I don't know if I am capable of putting all that has happened out of my head. But to tell you the truth, I don't think that I need to measure myself by any yard sticks when it comes to recovery. And the thoughts about the past are valuable reminders of what I don't want to re-enact today.

What I do know is that I've come a long way since being in Al-Anon. I've been able to see the insanity and unmanageability of where I once was. To me that means that I am making progress towards peace and serenity.

I realize more and more that I'm not defining myself as the person who took abuse and wore it like some kind of merit badge. Those were days that felt like being a victim and sinking into self-pity were all there was. I was accepting of my sickness. I don't accept that anymore.

I don't want to be:
less than
beat up on
a problem solver for others
a victim
someone to pity
in denial

Instead today I am:
free to choose
full of life
comfortable with who I am
not willing to settle
a survivor

I may not ever be recovered, but I can see that the journey that I'm on is leading me in that direction.

Hope that you are having a great Friday. I'm off on the boat for a long weekend. I plan to walk on the beach, read, grill some hamburgers and steaks, cook a fabulous breakfast (around noon), take a sea shower, get sand between my toes, and enjoy the fabulous weather that is forecast.

I'll not be around to comment on your blogs for a few days. Stay safe and enjoy doing something that you have a passion for.


  1. LOVE those two lists you've written out. I don't know if anyone ever 100%'s a process and maybe a lifelong one. But it's great to know what you do and don't want to be.

  2. That's about where I am. Progress not Perfection. Thanks.

  3. I don't want to ever forget the past. There are too many valuable lessons there.

    But for the most part, I will keep enjoying the present and "minding my own business."

    I will be on the water this week end also, it is always soothing..

  4. We will probably never truly recover, but how could we as this is our life and no one else's I especially like "not willing to settle" that is a true sign of recovery, my we all be not willing to settle.

  5. amen.
    for real.
    thank you and have a great holiday weekend!

  6. Around our AA community, there's a seemingly endless debate of "recovered" vs. "recovering". I don't participate (evidence I've recovered?) but instead enjoy a daily reprieve and enjoy a life beyond my wildest dreams based on spiritual growth.
    Blessings and aloha on your weekend.

  7. your weekend sounds absolutely perfect. enjoy it thoroughly!

  8. Great post Syd. Thanks. We are who we are today in part because of our past. Have a wonderful weekend on the water. I hope the weather cooperates.

  9. Have a wonderful weekend sailing!!!

  10. Funny (or is it?) I don't have trouble fogetting the past. I have trouble "remembering" it. And that's not one of my flippant 'jokes'.

    Recovering slowly.....

  11. Absolutely you're correct ... there is no yardstick you need to measure yourself by. When you began to use the word "recovering" that's exactly what you were, and what you are. There is no scale--no low, medium, or high. You're either recovering or your not. All that's left is for you to completely fulfill what you've already become--which is already who you are.

  12. Sounds like a wonderful weekend....perfect.

    Enjoy yourself. With the plans you have described, how could you not?

    See you in a few days.


  13. Hope your weekend is safe and relaxing. This weekend seems to be the start of crazy boater season up here. We are headed to Emerald Isle for the first foray with the kids.

  14. Progress not to be perfect but try and strive towards it, my pace is very slow with many steps in the wrong direction, u can never recover but by just living it the present and enjoying the now you can for a few precious moments forget.

  15. Thanks for this post. You have given me the exact wisdom I needed to read today. Again! Thank you, and I wish you continued blessings on your recovery journey.

  16. You know Syd,
    I don't think recovery ever meant getting the imagery out of your head, I think it is more of getting to an understanding of things that helps you move yourself forward in spite of the imagery in your head.

    But, I don't really have the right to say what it is and isn't since I'm the only one in my family who doesn't drink.

  17. I've found that it's the journey that is full of wonders every day, as long as I stay sober.
    Hope you have a wonderful, relaxing weekend.

  18. You won't see this comment until after you return from the sea--hope it was grand and you are rested.


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