Friday, May 22, 2009
Will I ever recover?
I don't know that I'll ever "recover" from the effects of alcoholism. I don't know if I am capable of putting all that has happened out of my head. But to tell you the truth, I don't think that I need to measure myself by any yard sticks when it comes to recovery. And the thoughts about the past are valuable reminders of what I don't want to re-enact today.
What I do know is that I've come a long way since being in Al-Anon. I've been able to see the insanity and unmanageability of where I once was. To me that means that I am making progress towards peace and serenity.
I realize more and more that I'm not defining myself as the person who took abuse and wore it like some kind of merit badge. Those were days that felt like being a victim and sinking into self-pity were all there was. I was accepting of my sickness. I don't accept that anymore.
I don't want to be:
beat up on
a problem solver for others
someone to pity
Instead today I am:
free to choose
full of life
comfortable with who I am
not willing to settle
I may not ever be recovered, but I can see that the journey that I'm on is leading me in that direction.
Hope that you are having a great Friday. I'm off on the boat for a long weekend. I plan to walk on the beach, read, grill some hamburgers and steaks, cook a fabulous breakfast (around noon), take a sea shower, get sand between my toes, and enjoy the fabulous weather that is forecast.
I'll not be around to comment on your blogs for a few days. Stay safe and enjoy doing something that you have a passion for.